snookyferrit

Kiwiland!
Dunedin, New Zealand
Hey there darling. So, as you probably figured out, I started a blog for us...I hope it's what we both had in mind.
So, I'm in New Zealand...crazy shit yo. I already told you about how I've been kayaking, hiking, and mountain boarding (resulting in the unpleasant sheep poop experience), but so much has happened since then that I don't know where to start. I've been in Dunedin itself since last Saturday...in case you have a map, we flew from Auckland to Christchurch to Dunedin...then at the airport we found out that a bunch of our luggage had been left in Christchurch. No toilettries after travel makes Kae sad and smelly. We made the most of things though...I moved into my flat, which is kind of like my house at Sarah Lawrence, although my flatmates are three Americans, a Canadian, and a Kiwi (aka New Zealander). I wasn't there for long though...at 8:00 my orientation group went out to dinner at a pizza place nearby, and then my friends Sarah, Ethan, Gillian, and I bought a bottle of Captain Morgans and went dancing. Sarah is awesome...she is a writer who also likes to write about dark and dismal things, like me...she's also a complete hippie at heart and loves to walk barefoot, sleep outside, and smoke a ton of pot. Ethan is brilliant...he goes to Brown, but is originally from Berkeley, so we bonded over the wonders of northern California...I'm almost completely convinced that he's gay, even though he claims that he's straight...he has a lot of the same manneurisms as Keith, which just doesn't scream "Straight!" to me...and Gillian is really nice...sometimes she can come off as a bit ditzy, but I think she's smart nonetheless. Anyhoo, they were all at orientation with me, but we don't live in the same flats...we have to walk to each other's houses, but that's okay because they all live really close. Anyway, we all went dancing at a bar/club about fifteen minutes walk from my place called Captain Cook's...it's really popular with university students...it was also just like I imagined a college club would be...crazy dark lighting, sticky floor, bodies squeezed so tightly together that you can tell whether the person next to you is wearing cotton or nylon...that kind of thing. It was a lot of fun, but we only stayed out until 2:00 or so because we were all tired.
Erm, what have I done since then? I've been to the beach and I got soooo sunburned...did you know that the holes in the ozone layer are situated above New Zealand? I look like a tomato. Anyway, we also went on a gorgeous train ride through the Tairie (sp?) Gorge, which was beautiful...it's this huge gorge that passes through all sorts of vegatation and fields...I felt like I was in Lord of the Rings the whole time. We also got to stand between the cars on the train so that we were actually kind of outside as the scenery passed...I took lots of pictures...I'll have to post them. I've also done boring things like sign up for classes and open a NZ bank account and whatnot. For the most part though, I've been drinking and hanging out...a lot. Dunedin is definitely a college town......a ridiculous proportion of the population here consists of college students...you can wander through the streets at night with open containers of alcohol and not worry about getting arrested...since I've gotten here, I've seen people running around in togas, people painted blue and yellow, people in wigs, all smashed...I've seen students knock a fence down and throw eggs at freshmen...I've also seen them duct tape their friends to chairs and force them to drink massive quantities of alcohol through frighteningly large funnels...I pass about ten houses every day where the yards are unabashedly littered with dozens of beer bottles/cans/cups...the bars stay open all night here and people go out to drink at 4:00 in the morning...just to paint you a picture of the crazy shit that goes down here. I've heard orientation week is especially crazy, so I wonder if the madness will continue next week after classes have started. We'll see.
Well, I have to get going because my friends and I are going to see some sort of traditional Kiwi dance thing at the Monkey Bar, an old cathedral complete with full-sized organ that someone turned into a bar...it's exciting. I'll try to write more soon though and post pictures. I miss you, ferrit girl...good-night sleep tight.
written by  snookyferrit on February 21, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog

oh christ, my page is beenn blooooooown by a cannnon ball
Smithtown, United States
Well.. this has been an interesting site to navigate. I am glad it's not livejournal, alththough i'm having a hard time posting comments, so I guess i'll just leave mine here. your trip sounds wild and crazy. Above all it just simply sounds amazing (minus thte toilletry thing). I never really thought my life could look so boring! hah. I hope you continue to enjoy yourself, looking forward to more crazy stories. Gotta' jam right now, but i'll try to update this later. Love you, lady.. be safe, try not to burn out too quickly ;p
written by  snookyferrit on February 21, 2008 from Smithtown, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog

i've some time..
Smithtown, United States
hopefully this does not erase my entry. After clicking on post new blog entry (or something), my entire old entry came up dated for yesterday. So snook, if we lose my last entry, it's okay.. In sum, it was simply excitement for you, and half serious advice. It's snowing outside. We have maybe 4-6 inches so far.. I'm not going to school this morning, even though I should. Grandpa George has his prep today for surgery (getting the gook out of his arteries, and circulation back into his legs).. that's how he explains it. so i'm skipping school and watching snow until i head down there to play with kids. I'm looking forward to seeing my old co-workers at the store. Starts up again in about two weeks. I need the change, I have a following at empire now, only it's mostly for delivery and it's not the same as the old Ralph's following.. it's old men who want me to bring them food. People literally call up and say, "Can you send the girl?". I've been spending more in gas than ever before. I've made a friend named Jon-er. He's a pit attendant who immigrated here from Turkey. I tell him all the time that i'm gonna' stuff his mouth with Turkey and throw him in the oven. He pleads for his life, it's great. heather almost was arrested over a bar of soap. Joshua has learned to make muscles under his shirt with plastic bags. Jenny asked me to marry her brother. I finally told her the truth about myself, I just can't believe it took a marriage proposal to do so. haha. i haven't been hitting the bar scene that much recently. I realized that once not only Katie's but also becket's, graftin street, and the eagles pub all recognized my face, that i'd spent too much time and money at these places. So, i'm hoping that Keith and I can hit up a gay club in the city that he goes to. I'm excited about it because i've never been to one before, and I have no where on the island (that isn't grimy) to get away from all the straight people. Jeryl set me up an appointment with Martha babcott (or something like that), all I know is she's in Huntungton village and I have time to learn her name and address. Heather Elly Amanda and I got drunk the other night and ran around town Screaming everything Jack Off Jill, and Eye of the tiger, Ave maria, Oh penelope, and buried alive by love. it was hystetrical. We couldn't remember most of the lines, so we improvised and came up with the funniest, craziest shit ever. But I woke up yesterday morning feeling like crap. I could squeak, but I could not talk.. I drove like a zombie. Jenny called me on every delivery to ask me where i was. (I'm now the delivery queen.. i'll do 1-2/3 of the deliveries of the day in the four or five hours of shift.) For instance, the other day the new guy took 20 deliveries throughout the entire day (12 hours), in 2 1/2 hours I took 11. later on that night I took another 14. It was tip heaven that night. I payed off a quarter of my credit card, haha. My teachers this semester are awesome. Instead of ignoring me if I raise my hand too much.. if nobody in class is willing to answer, most of my teachers let me give a go now. My british Lit. teacher and I had a mid-class discussion about the "sick rose" by Blake. He and I both have a tendancy to make mountains out of mole hills, and though the poem is so short, and it's not hard to interpret, we went on. We began this stream of tangents and by the time class was over, we'd completely averted the days intended discussion and he had to revise the syllabus. Well, it's time for me to warp impressionable young minds. I love you and i'll talk to you soon beautiful. goodnight sleep tight.
written by  snookyferrit on February 22, 2008 from Smithtown, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog

Classes and Seven Deadly Sins
Dunedin, New Zealand
Hi pretty girl,
I can't stay on late because I have class tomorrow and i still have to find out where my classes are (oops), but I just wanted to say hi. I'm glad everything's going well for you and that everyone loves you so much at Empire Ginger, even if you want Ralph's to start again soon. What did Jenny say when you told her you were a lesbian?! That's exciting news.
Things here have been more mellow the last couple of days...everyone's starting to get worn down from partying so much, which is good because classes start tomorrow. I have 4 classes tomorrow...Music Technology, a lit class on crime fiction, Social and Applied Psychology, and Statistics. Blahhhhh. At least it will be new and interesting.
Oh, one more thing...on Friday I did something called Seven Deadly Sins at a local bar...if you take 7 shots in a row, one for each sin, you get a tshirt...I did it without throwing up! Yay! I think I'm going to stay away from alcohol for a little while now though...I had my party week, but I like being sober too, and my body would probably appreciate me returning to that state.
So, I better go. I love you and I miss you! Oh, and I posted pictures...I hope you like them...I love yours. Talk to you soon and good-night sleep tight.
written by  snookyferrit on February 24, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

Been a ride..
Smithtown, United States
i apologize in advance for not posting this entry sooner, I haven't been able to get on, otherwise I would have. friday night was the aftermath of one of the biggest snow storm this winter. in the morninig we accumulated six inches (I know, impressive), and by the evening the roads had been cleared by rain water. toward the evening the temperature dropped to 12-15 degrees. Heather and I had photo appointments at St. Andrews, Elly Georgia and bus decided to come along for the ride. Our appointment was for 9:20, it was about 9:10, church was down the road, so we weren't going fast. Maybe 30. My family was supposed to be there, but only heather and I could make it. I remember saying to her, "Well, I guess the two of make one big happy family", and she said to me, "Yeah, well, it's always us", at that moment we skated over black ice, my tires lost grip, and we were accelerating toward a tree. They say that it happens in an instant, that you don't have time to react. Well, it happened in slow motion for me, and I was able to gain a little bit of control over the car. They say that's what saved our lives that night. i could have lost Heather that night, the tree was facing her side of the car at first. i managed to shift the car a little bit so that the tree was facing the center of the car. I was also able to drive over dirt and tap theh breaks a little bit the last couple of seconds. all I remember after that is a popping sound, a blue bubble coming at me, and airbag dust everywhere. i saw the faces of my loved ones right before the collision, and I remember thinking, "No, not yet.."- Heather says that her thought was, "Oh, she's got this..".. All I know is that we were all able to walk away from it, and i'm walking away from this with a new lease on life. I'll be thinking about my loved ones before leavinig the house again. I'll be suppressing the risk-taker in me every once in a while as well..
written by  snookyferrit on February 28, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

thank god for airbags
Dunedin, New Zealand
Holy shit sweetie, I'm so glad to hear that you and Heff are okay! Thank god that you were able to get some control/the car had airbags. How fast do you think you were going when you hit the tree? Is the car totaled? I'm trying to wrap my mind around this, but mostly the idea scares me shitless. I'm so happy you're okay.
On a different note, I posted an entry in response to your other entry, but I don't think it worked. How is Grandpa doing? And you told Jenny you were a lesbian?! How did she react? Maybe now she'll stop forcing her brother upon you, lol.
So, things here have been busy, but a lot of fun. My friends and I went camping last weekend...we drove to a random beach that had a bunch of huge caves about 100 yards from the shore...we built a bonfire and slept in the cave...about 25 people ended up showing up too, so it was kind of a crazy party...we're all really poor right now, so all we had to nourish ourselves all weekend was plain rice, plain pasta, and whiskey. It was so much fun, but I think eating should be a priority next time. This weekend we're driving up north to the Wild Foods Festival...tons of people gather for this festival and eat things like crocodile and kangaroo and crickets...it's supposed to be a lot of fun and supposedly there's live music, which is awesome. The only problem is that it's supposed to rain, and our tent is old and not completely waterproof...fun fun fun. The weather is the only thing I've really been frustrated with so far in coming to New Zealand...I think it has PMS. The first week we got here, it was unseasonably cold for a couple of days and then it warmed up for about a week or a week and a half...now it's been cold and rainy for awhile, which makes me nervous as to what winter will be like. I wake up in the mornings and it usually takes me an obscene amount of time to get out of bed because it's so cold and there's no heating. I have discovered long johns though, and although I feel like an old lady when I'm wearing them, they are my new best friend. Oh, and on a completely random note, New Zealanders drive on the left side of the road, and I tried it for the first time last weekend...it's terrifying, especially when you're turning. I almost had a stroke while I was driving, as did the people in the car with me. Ooops.
Well, I better get ready to go to this food festival. I miss you, I hope you're doing well, I love you, and I'm SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE OKAY. Take care darling.
~Kae
written by  snookyferrit on March 7, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

a quickie
i have class in two minutes but I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you and I'm still so glad you're okay. I love you pretty girl. Goodnight, sleep tight.
written by  snookyferrit on March 12, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

A list of reasons why I love you..
I could make a list of reasons why I love you- starting with your last entry- but I wouldn't want your ego to inflate like a balloon and then pop. I've been doing lot of thinking lately- and I have something to say to you. I'm sorry. I say this specifically today because I was reminded of something during a fight with Amanda (that occured..well, today). It's more like I was reminded of someone. I was reminded of who I used to be.. even just months ago. Let me tell you about it.. I actually am going to copy this next part from a hand written page I wrote just after the fight.
I now know how you felt, and I wish I could take it back. I now know what I put you through- how you couldn't win. I didn't even know how I was hurting you, even though you tried to tell me. I didn't even understand how much I was hurting you, even though I thought I did. When I said I was sorry, I didn't know that I was only covering the surface wounds. Believe me, I truly was sorry, but I didn't realize then that sorry just wasn't enough. I thought it was worse for me, that you just didn't understand- but it was bad for the both of us. I can't believe I see it now. It must have exhausted you.
I never would have known, had we not taken this time apart. It might have had the opportunity to happen again if I didn't take this time to see- had I not taken this time to change. It's not going to happen, not anymore, not to anybody. I couldn't bare it, especially knowing what I know now.
I can't believe how different life is now. I think i've finally come to peace with my past. Though I can't change it, it doesn't have control over who I am anymore. I'm not crazy, I wasn't really crazy before- I was troubled and I didn't want to believe it. I thought that my past didn't matter, that the problem was me. I was fooling myself- I was only half the problem. The past was under my skin, and I refused to see. And I thought (truly thought) that I was just crazy- that I was just unique, and the way I was- was who I was born being.
But that's not the truth. The truth is that I was born a good person. I was born honest, and loving, and happy- what happened to me is what changed that. I could fool myself into believing that my past had nothing to do with it, but it would catch up to me- and it would hurt me and anyone close to me. I couldn't cope with it all and I had to battle for control of my mind. And I couldn't remember a lot of what happened which made me believe that it was all made up. I drank, did drugs and hurt myself- and that assaulted my body and fucked up my chemicals even more, and may have even caused the imbalance that I sometimes deal with now.
I ended up hurting those closest to me, convincing myself that I was the one who was really getting hurt- because I had spent so much of my life where it was that way, and I didn't think it could possibly be any other way.
Now that I have this total honesty rule, over time i've discovered the truth. That I was miserable because I allowed myself to be- because that's who I thought I was. I kicked up so much dirt while trying to change, and got nowhere.. because I was barking up the wrong tree. I was searching for answers in all the wrong places. In that process I hurt you. I'm sorry.
I should have opened up to you more, it probably would have helped. I convinced myself that it wouldn't. By not opening up, I didn't let myself see- I couldn't see the truth, even though I thought I could. I didn't know how to be totally happy, even though I probably could have been. I probably could have made you much happier.
So much has changed. Now, every possible curve ball has been thrown at me the past couple of months, and i've just been batting them away. It's like, by realizing how to be honest with myself, things that were so complicated before seem so easy. I can handle now what I couldn't two months ago. Now I know how to be happy and stay that way even with a bump or two in the road. If I could I would take this knowledge and apply it to back then. If I ever have the chance to, I will utilize it when I see you again.
I can't change the past now, but please know that I get it now- and please know how truly sorry I am. I acted crazy, so crazy.. In that sense, I was the crazy one, you weren't. I get why you felt like you had no control. I get why you felt like there was nothing you could ever do or say. You shouldn't have had to experience that. I thought life was hard me, but I made it hard for you too. I just wish I knew.
I love you so much for sticking through it like you did. I'm so grateful to you, I don't think I could ever accurately express how much. I don't know how to explain getting from there to here as far as my thought process goes. But being here, I don't ever want to turn around again. I don't think i'll ever be that same person again. I'll always be Mel- but I feel so much less fucked up in the head. I feel healthier and happier- even though i've still a ways to go.
I wish I could share this with you. Where i'm at is not an easy place, but it's so much better than before. Everything is brighter and more possible- I find something to be happy about just about every day. But I thought of you today and I smiled inside and out. I realized, it's been over a month since we last spoke- I miss you like hell, and from time to time I just wish you were here or I were there. But things around me, and it seems around you range from allright to good to even great, and I am secure with that. When I see you again though, i'm giving you the biggest hug you've ever received.. You may not be able to stand afterward.
So.. I love you, beautiful. You mean the world to me. g'night sleep tight.
Btw, car+tree= at least 40 mph. And yes we're all fine. The corolla is dead but a 95 honda civic is on the way with 200,000 miles on it as well as a ton of debt for me, haha. I promise my next entry will update a little more about my actual life. ps, congrats on the drinking game lolol
RIP 03' Corolla and 94' Cavalier
written by  snookyferrit on March 12, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

Erm, wow...
Hi sweetie,
Sorry it's taken me a bit of time to reply to your last entry. We just had easter break, so I was gone camping and away from computers for a few days, but also I think I needed to let your last entry digest a bit before I replied to it. I feel like I've had some time, and yet I'm still not sure how to convey everything that's going through my head...if my thoughts seem a bit disjointed, forgive me.
First of all, I am so sooooo proud of you/happy for you...not in a condescending I-told-you-you-could-be-happy kind of way...but in a very pure way. I care about you so much, and you have no idea how ecstatic it makes me feel that you can find something that makes you happy every day and that you're in a much better place in your life right now. I've always felt that you deserve the best, and I'm so glad to hear that you feel you're finally getting closer to that, whatever the best may be for you. I am sooo proud of you for working so hard to find contentment and be honest with yourself...I think so many people think that happiness is just a default state of being, and when they can't reach that state, they just get angry and don't understand why they are an exception to a wonderful and much-deserved universal condition...at least, that's how I used to be. It's taken me years to figure out that I have to work at being happy, that it is not a default setting unless you strive to make it one. All the people I know who are truly at peace with themselves have worked their asses off to get there. I hope I'm not coming off as preachy...what I'm trying to say is that I am indescribably proud of you because I know how much work goes in to what you are doing now. You are so brave, especially considering your past and how many obstacles you've had to overcome to get to this point. If I were with you right now, I would give you the biggest hug ever.
Secondly...well, this is the part where I have an emotional brain fart. I can't express how good it makes me feel to read your apology and to have you acknowledge the struggles in our relationship that I couldn't always articulate to you...after working for so long to keep things together despite the obvious issues and constantly asking myself what was wrong with me and why I couldn't ever do what was right for you and feeling like I couldn't always talk to you about it...it's an enormous relief to see that it wasn't all me, even though I will always take on some of the blame and feel that relationships are two-way streets. Part of me feels incredibly guilty that you would find any fault whatsoever in the way you were handling things...after all, making things harder for both of us was never your intention, and you do deserve the best the world has to offer and shouldn't think of yourself as any less of a person because you made mistakes. I was always afraid that should you realize you could have dealt with things a bit differently, you would feel guilty and down on yourself, which was one reason it was always hard for me to ask you to deal differently. Making mistakes doesn't make you less of a person...if anything, it makes you more beautiful when you can still accept yourself at the end of the day. I have a feeling that you already know this, and I hope I'm not sounding preachy again. What I'm trying to say is that I feel guilty for potentially making you feel guilty even though I might be projecting my own reactions onto you and you might not feel guilty at all because you're strong and beautiful and you already realize that it's okay to make mistakes. I hope you know what I'm trying to say because rereading that last sentence was enough to make my head hurt.
I guess the last emotions I felt when I read (and reread, and reread) your entry were sadness mixed with a bit of anger. It still kills me that I couldn't do more to help you, and thinking about what we both went through makes my throat tighten a bit. I love you so much. We both needed to figure these things out, not only things about our relationship, but mostly things about ourselves. I just wish we could have avoided the heartache we both felt. Neither of us deserved it. It's no one's fault, just one of those growing-up-is-tough things that you're warned about over and over when you're a kid but don't understand until you've experienced it. The universe it a bitch in many ways, but I like to think the grass will be greener for us now on this side of our experience. I have faith that one day we'll both be able to let all of this go...no more sadness, no more anger, just acceptance and appreciation. I'm not at that point yet, but I'm trying to get there.
Lastly, and on a completely different note, thank you for your Easter texts! I didn't receive them until after I got back from camping, but I did want to let you know that they came through and they made me smile. I hope you had a great Easter, and I miss you too.
Well, I think my brain has completed its fart. I love you, and thank you again for your honesty. You didn't have to tell me all those things and make yourself vulnerable like that, and I appreciate that you did. I miss you pretty girl, and I am so soo SOOO happy for you. Goodnight, sleep tight.
Always,
~Kae
written by  snookyferrit on March 27, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

*hugs from ny*
You did a lot more than either of us knew.. I don't have a lot of time right now, I just wanted to let you know that. It just took a while for everything you did to take effect.. but you did for me something amazing.. without you, maybe it wouldn't have happened. At this point, i'll never know. I just hope that one day I can repay you. Any guilt I feel, you must realize, is long deserved. I don't think I was completely at fault for everything that went on either.. and in some ways, you're right, neither of us were. I just know that we each had our own reasons to feel the way we did. Now I know that in order to share a life, you must be prepared to share it all- I couldn't protect you by tucking everything hard and painful down- because it still came out, and it came out harshly. I don't expect you to forgive and forget. Believe me, in my heart I support the way you feel. It is valid, and real and true- and you deserve your feelings. You deserve the world just for being who you are, and I want you to be happy. You're the most beautiful person i've ever met, inside and out- and I hope that you find the peace that is long overdue to you. I miss you like crazy- and I love you even more. thank you for the support you've given me. Night, sleep tight angel
-Mel
P.s. Is your ESPN on? because we keep loggin on, on the same day. haaah..
I'm glad you got the easter texts, btw, I was afraid your spam box would steal and delete them
written by  snookyferrit on March 27, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

Bus
When I woke this morning, I had to throw myself out of bed. I didn't want to go to class. I felt depressed and agitated. It felt as if school was in the opposite direction from where I needed to be. I went anyway. In class, I could barely concentrate. I took notes, but I didn't take them in. I felt distracted. I decided during break just to go home. On the way home, (like on the way to school) I was listening to "down" by metric. "I wonder if you can come and help me, I want to get from here to there"- I pulled into the driveway and felt as though hell's gate was about to open. I walked in the door and saw heff on the phone, she was speaking to Laurie. (Kelly's mom). Elly was next to her, holding her head.
When I woke in the morning, nothing made sense.. I didn't know why I was depressed, I haven't woken that way in a while. When I got to school I couldn't make sense of the urge to leave and drive back home. I couldn't make sense of anything until I saw Heather awake before 11 and on the phone. I knew at that moment that something was wrong. I knew that what Heather had to say, I wouldn't want to hear. When she got off the phone she told me what happened.
Later on that day at work Laurie called me. (I'd left a message with chris (Kelly's brother) earlier that day). She told me that Kelly's heart was only operating at twenty percent. She told me that Kelly was being transfered to Mount saini hospital. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say or do. I found some words- after our second conversation I hung up the phone and just cried. Later that night Heff, Elly and I picked Keith up to tell him. We sat in the steam room at port jeff and talked for a while.
She's made her death bed, and climbed in. I want to hate her, but I can only cry for her. I want her to pull through, I want to say, "Bus, you idiot, pull yourself out of this!" I want to say, "You don't have a choice, you can't die, I still haven't made your birthday sundae.." I want to tell her that I love her. She hung out with Rob last night, (KP's boyfriend). She OD'd on heroine, nobody knows how long she was lying there. Her mother found her in the morning. She was in bed.
I'm waiting for Laurie to call me back, until then, we're just left to wonder. Have we lost her or can we take her home?
written by  snookyferrit on March 29, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

Meg god
Yay- meg let me borrow her computer. So, I know I left some texts on yahoo, I just wanted to say a thing or two. 1) i'm okay with being geographically retarted..no, just kidding.. 1) thank you so much for calling me last night.. i'm not sure if I said this to you, but I needed you, I just wasn't expecting to hear from you.. I've been doing so well these past couple of months, but this thing was like the ball I couldn't hit and your call just gave me the reboost I needed. thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. When I visit her today, i'll send your love. 2) this blog is so weird (but good)- I just wanted to make sure that you knew I did respond to your last entry- I didn't ignore it. Not that you even mentioned it- i made the other entry quickly after that, I just wanted to make sure that you knew that your stuff didn't go unnoticed. aaaaaanyway.. 3) I'm sorry that I was so quiet when I first picked up the phone, and i'm sorry if I sounded un-enthusiastic.. I wasn't, I was just in total shock- I was on the verge of tears before you called, running through the events of the night- and when I looked down and saw the area code, I thought naah, couldn't be.. but when you spoke from the other end, I couldn't speak.. I could barely breathe, I was so shocked. 4) I'm sorry if I was too affectionate- it's just that, after all this, I promised myself I would not hold back the way I feel anymore.. if i'm happy, im gonna' be happy.. If i feel love, im going to express love.. If I miss you, i'm not going to be shy about it anymore.. So if there is ever a moment of discomfort, just let me know. 5) next time we talk on the phone, we have to talk more about your life, lol. I want to hear more of these crazy, wonderful stories.
I'll post again as soon as I can after word of kelly's diagnosis. It might not be for a couple of days, and dependant on the computer situation, maybe not until the weekend or so. But when I can, I will..
p.s. Elly and I have been making revisions to the goodnight spiel.. latest revision.. god's light, lead pipes- hash in the after life- I dub thee joleen, buttercups are yellow.
Love you, beautiful.

i got to hear your voice again!
Hi pretty girl,
I'm really happy that we got to talk on the phone the other night too. It was wonderful to hear your voice again...I think laughing with you was my favorite part though. I've missed your laugh.
So, there are a couple of things I wanted to say in response to your last entry. First of all, I did see the pre-Kelly entry you left responding to my other entry...if that makes any sense...but I wanted to say thank you. It's the most reassuring thing you could have written to me. I don't know what the future has in store for us in terms of 'us', but I'm so happy that we've been able to help ourselves get to where we are now as individuals. I love you.
Secondly, no worries about being quiet when you first picked up the phone. With everything that you've been through the past couple of months, I think I would have been shocked if you sounded freakishly perky. Also, don't worry about sounding too affectionate...what you said was honest and I appreciate that...you also gave me warning, and I would definitely have told you to stop if it was too much.
Soo, yes...I'm so glad I got to talk to you, although I wish it had been under happier circumstances. How is Kelly doing? I assume nothing big has happened or you would have written...I hope she's doing okay.
As far as new things here go, I kind of shot myself in the foot with schoolwork...guess who has a 2,000 word research proposal due on Tuesday that she didn't even remember she had to do until Thursday? Yep...this has been my first weekend staying in Dunedin since I got here. It's not that bad though...although I'd rather be relaxing, it is kind of nice to sleep in a bed and not live out of a backpack for a couple of days. Speaking of backpacks, spring break (or, fall break I guess for Kiwis) is coming up soon. My friends and I are flying to Tasmania and backpacking there for a few days...then we're flying to Australia to see the Great Barrier Reef. I'm so excited! We have to figure out where we're staying though because lord knows we have no idea what's in Tasmania, lol. Also, right before break, Hannah is coming down to visit me from Auckland for a few days. It will be really wonderful to see her...I heard she cut her hair really short!
Okay, so now I have something a bit difficult to tell you, which sucks because the last thing I want to do is give you one more thing to deal with on your plate. I know you said you don't need to know anymore when I see people...at least not until June...and I don't want to force you to think about it. I just wanted to warn you that there are some pictures up on facebook of me looking couply with a boy...I just didn't want you to find out from facebook. Part of me wants to apologize profusely to you...the other part knows I shouldn't feel the need to. I just thought it would be cruel not to warn you.
On that very conflicted note, I should probably start working on my research proposal. I love you, I miss you terribly, and I'm so glad we got to talk the other day. Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you soon.
~Kae
written by  snookyferrit on April 6, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

yep
That's fine. I'm not naive, I know you're not just sitting around contemplating our relationship.. you're having experiences of all sorts, and that's what we do. I know there is no future set in stone for us, but I will continue to carry hope. This is a time of transitioning for us, you don't need to warn me, part of me would rather just wonder than know. If you're gonna' post pictures involving you kissing the guy, then just let me know not to look at them, I still have feelings for you, and they probably aren't going away.. I probably wouldn't have noticed the pics for a while, so part of me is glad you drew attention to them. I'm glad to see new pictures of you.. your hair is much longer. It's beautiful.
I've been very busy with school and work. It's been crazy, and hectic, but i'm having a lot of fun. I've been hanging around with bus, heather and elly almost every day. Heather and Elly are going out now, it's cute and weird at the same time. Bus is home from the hospital and will be going to rehab at some eventual point. I missed a paper in school, which was exhausting, considering all the work I put into it. Im certainly not getting the 4.0 this semester that I wanted, but i'm starting to learn that with everything that goes on in my life, it's amazing that I have grade point average at all. So, im just gonna' finish out, and see where I end up. I know i've been working my ass off, and that's what matters.
I lost me cell phone this weekend, but I don't want to buy a new one and lose all the old info and pics I had on the old one. So i'm gonna' sit out the week and see if it turns up.
Keith has been too tired and sick to hang out, but he vowed to take care of himself to make time for me this upcoming week.
I might hit up a couple concerts in the upcoming month or so, if bus is still around, Her, Elly, Keith, Amanda, pepper and I made plans to.
two days ago was a fundraiser at katies, Biker parade all around smithtown. Awesomeness.
I have so much to do today, i'm sorry I can't write more. So i'll leave it at: Hope your paper turns out well. I hope your flight and vacation goes well. Next time I come on here you better have lots of stories for me! ;-P Love you x too much. Good night, sleep tight.
PS tell hannah i said hello
written by  snookyferrit on April 15, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

Craaazzy mid-semester break and more...
Hey you! So wow, I don't even know where to start...the last three weeks or so have been so crazy, especially mid-semester break. I just got back last night and have been telling my friends/flatmates about it...looking back, I can't believe that we did all we did.
Okay, first of all, two weekends ago my friends and I went to a place called Queenstown, which is right near where they filmed a shit ton of Lord of the Rings...it was very rugged and beautiful. The big news from that trip, however, is that my friends and I went bungy jumping! Not only bungy jumping either...the third highest bungy jump in the world! Nearly a 500 ft. fall with 8.5 seconds of freefall...it was sooo crazy...I have a video of me screaming like a little girl all the way down (I started screaming before I was even off the platform). It kind of reminded me of the canyon back home...the jumping point was from a hut hanging between two mountains on a cable, and there was a river at the bottom of the jump...it reminded me very much of looking down from the Foresthill Bridge. Anyway, I'll have to send you pics coz they're kind of hilarious.
Soo, now on to mid-semester break...to start off the break, my friends Sarah and Gillian and I flew to Hobart, Tasmania for 4 nights. The first night, we stayed with a college student we met off of couchsurfers.com named Billy...he's originally from Oklahoma but studying abroad in Tasmania and he was so nice/crazy. When we first met up with him, we offered to take him out to dinner as a thank you for letting us crash at his place...he said no and that his one rule with couchsurfers was that they had to eat all of his food because he got it all for free. We asked him how he acquired so much free food, and he said, "Oh, out of the bins at grocery stores"...red lights started flashing in my head. I asked, "By bins, you mean dumpsters?" and he nodded. I died inside. It turns out though that it's not sketchy at all...all of the dumpster food is packaged so it doesn't touch anything creepy, and none of it is rotten or stale...it's just the food that grocery stores haven't sold by the sell date, and because of preservatives and whatnot, it's all still good for the most part. Apparently Billy and all of his friends go dumpster diving together and then have big feasts two or three times a week...I had the chance to go to two of them, and the food was good! I was shocked. So yes, night one was spent at a feast/party with Billy's friends...I ended up trying mushrooms with Sarah and Billy's friend John, but nothing really happened because the mushrooms were old...I just basically felt stoned. Maybe I'll try them again some other time.
So, day two, my friends and I rented a car and drove out to Freycinet National Park. We set up camp and then the next day hiked to a beautiful beach called Wineglass Bay...it had the clearest, bluest water and whitest sand I have ever seen. After our hike, we spontaneously decided to find a landmark that Billy and his friends had talked about called Totem Pole...it's down south in a different national park, and according to them it was a rock coming out of the ocean in a totem pole-esque fashion next to all these beautiful cliffs...it took us a couple of hours to get to the park, and by the time we did, the sun was setting. We didn't know what to do because we really wanted to hike out to Totem Pole, but it was 4 hours round trip and we had to have the rental car back early the next day. So, instead of setting up camp in the campground like normal people, we decided to put on our backpacks and headlamps, walk the 2 hours to Totem Pole in the dark, camp out, wake up the next morning, and walk back, and drive to Hobart to return the car. It was really crazy...we had to pass campsites on the way to the trail, and as we were about to start hiking, one middle-aged couple warned us not to get lost...we said, "We won't!" and started walking...two minutes later the path disappeared and we were back by their campsite asking them if they knew where the real Totem Pole path was. They told us, but cautioned us against doing it at night because there were cliffs and fallen trees and the path disappeared at points...basically, it would be really easy to get lost and/or hurt ourselves doing it in the dark. We agreed...and then did it anyway. I am soo glad we did...it was one of the coolest hikes I've ever done. First of all, walking to the cliffs, we saw a tasmanian devil, which are nocturnal and very people-shy, so that was exciting. Things got a little scary once we got to the cliffs because we could hear the ocean roaring beneath us but didn't know how far down it was, but we made it out there okay and set up camp on the only semi-flat patch of ground big enough for our tent that we could find...and when I say semi-flat, I mean it was sprinkled with rocks, some big and some small...we didn't sleep much, but at least we didn't fall off a cliff. The next morning we woke up at 6 to watch the sun rise over the ocean and cliffs...it was the most spectacular thing I've ever seen. We also found Totem Pole, which we hadn't been able to see the night before in the dark. Overall, it was an amazing experience and definitely one of the highlights of the trip. After returning the rental car, we went back to Billy's for another dumpster feast and to stay the night before our flight the next day.
Well, that's all I have time to write about right now, but I'll definitely finish up the trip later. For now, I miss you and I love you and I hope all is well. Take care!
P.S. Elly and Heff are going out? Omg, how did that happen?!
written by  snookyferrit on April 30, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

I can't think of an f'in title &%$#
I haven't much time, I just wanted to thank you for the postcard. I'm excited to hear about all of your adventures, and am looking forward to read the rest of your stories. I have to cram out a couple paper's for British lit. so my mind is pretty much occupied right now. When school is finished in a couple of days I hope to have time to update you on life and what not. P.s. I drank a raspberry snapple today, it made me think of you. I'm sending you warm hugs from NY. love you and hope all is well
written by  snookyferrit on May 18, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

So, it's been a while..
I've been thinking about you more and more as the 20th nears. You're going to be home soon.. we still haven't spoken much. I feel like I can't summarise the time spent these past months.. but it's had much more ups I want to say than downs. Downs consisting mainly of car accidents (yes, plural) and troubled friends- ups consisting of change of major, awesome jobs, awesome new friends and experiences. I'm not going to act like you haven't been in my thoughts, because you have.. you're an invisible entity in my life, and my thoughts on you are very confused. But there's so much more that goes on beyond that. I have new memories that zoom around my head like a freight train and they're all so wonderful and amazing. Life is strange and new. I'm not the same, but I am. I'm going to be a business major. I haven't lost my interest in teaching and social working, but I don't want to make my living off of that. I'm going to volunteer, performing jobs of that nature for free, and i'm going to make my living through business management/networking. I can't feel guilty about making a profit that way. This last semester has been the hardest I've experienced since my freshman year in college. I am so proud of myself for making it through, my eyes were deep dark skull sockets, my brain----mush, and my limbs---- heeeeavy by the end of it all.. but I pushed through everything and wouldn't let myself give up. The last week (finals week) of the semester I was literally running two stores (Mike and Rosa left me in charge of everything while they were away), finishing up papers i'd received evtensions on, and cramming for finals. I didn't finish until the very last day, but I made it. I have yet to find out what kind of grades I received because I still haven't been able to pay my tuition- But after all that has happened this semester, i'll be proud to have a C. (Although i'm pretty confidant that it's an A or B). I have made a ton of new friends while working in kings park. At the end of every night at work, i'm always deliriously hanging out with one or two of my co-workers. I've made some really strong friendships- (I'm really close to my co-worker Marianna- she's 37 and has two young kids---- and Jade- I worked with her before in Smithtown- and she goes to my school) Vinny D is the bomb, he's so in the closet gay and doesn't even know it, but I love him to death. James and Kevin are sort of my inner possee----They got to meet one of the chicks victora from tila tequila at the eagles pub and hang out with a bunch of lesbians all night-----without me!!! And wow, Dianna, Ricky and Danielle are back on the radar--- and it's been a blast so far. There are so many other people back in the picture it's insane, like Jess, Deefree, Jess Rinn, Janer---- I don't have time to hang out with anyone for too long, so I see them just enough, and it's kinda' fun.. The story of Heather and Elly is simple.. They met.. hung out.. hung out a lot.. really got a long.. hung out even more.. hooked up.. are together. We all knew it was going to happen, ha ha. Mike and Rosa (and Rosa's father Willy) all treat me like family, it's really nice. They taught me how to make up my mind quickly, how to think on my toes, and how to gain respect while still being loved- they are so awesome, I love working for them. I've also learned how to have fun without getting wasted- I mean, I still go out drinking all the time, but it doesn't consume my social life- For instance, one night Heather Elly and I went to the beach at like 1 AM and ran into the water, (Like three times---- it was so cold!!) Elly and I went all the way under, Heather made it to about her knees haha. Another time a bunch of us spent an entire tank of gas singing along to love songs all over the island as if we were a death metal/screamo/hippie-indie/jazz band.. it was a lot of fun. I've shared my songs with some people, and they've shared their songs with me. There are so many experiences I wish you could have been a part of. Even when everything is perfect, every once in a while- it still feels like something is missing. You pop into my head during a lot of those moments- and it's not neccessarily a bad thing, i don't know exactly what to make of it-- I guess I just miss you. It's been a long time kae, I hope all is well. I love you, sleep tight
Mel
written by  snookyferrit on June 3, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

The end is approaching...
Hey you. I've been thinking a lot about you too recently...you keep popping up in my thoughts and in my dreams. I'm sorry I haven't been in contact much lately...the semester is wrapping up and there's so much to do schoolwork wise...also, final exams here are worth 60% of grades...that scares the fuck out of me and makes me really appreciate Sarah Lawrence. I took my psych final yesterday though and I think I actually did well despite the fact that I was skipping class all semester to travel...at least, I hope I did well. Now I only have one final left, and then I'm done.
So, one thing that sucks that I should have mentioned earlier but forgot to because I was so busy is that i actually extended my trip a bit...i realized there's a lot more that I want to see down here than I've been able to see (mostly up on the North Island, which I haven't traveled around at all) and I'm probably not going to be back here again for a long time, so I thought I should take advantage of this opportunity. I'm now leaving NZ June 30th, and on the way home I have a stopover in Fiji...I'll be there for a week, so officially I won't be getting back to the states until July 8th. I'm really sorry I didn't let you know earlier, I honestly completely forgot. It should be a great opportunity though...I'm just worried about money, which is rapidly running out. I might work on a farm for a couple weeks...you can do jobs like gardening and working with animals and stuff and get free food/accomodation...it sounds like a good way of traveling without spending a shit ton of money. Lord knows I've already done that.
I can't wait to hear all your stories about this last semester! I didn't know you started working at the Kings Park store...how is it? I'm also glad to hear that you like working for Mike and Rosa and are reconnecting with old friends/making new friends...I can't wait to meet them! Also, holy shit, you changed your major?! I would have never thought of you as a business major (mostly just because you never talked about it), but now that you say it, it totally makes sense/is a really good fit. After all, you've practically been running Ralph's since you started working there and now you're a big influence at Empire Ginger...good for you! Does this mean you'll be taking a bunch of business classes next semester? Oh, and car accidents...plural? I hope you're okay and I send hugs.
So, I have so many craaaaazy stories to tell you once I get home...I cannot believe everything that I've experienced this semester. I realized I haven't updated you since mid semester break...let's just say that that break finished off with snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef and skydiving. Since then, I've gone to see a couple of NZ's glaciers (one of which is called Fox Glacier, hehe), which are awesome because they're huge sheets of ice surrounded by (of all things) tropical plants. Palm trees and glaciers in the same view...it was weird/beautiful. What else? My friends talked me into performing at an open mic night here in Dunedin when I was stoned, so I ended up singing and playing guitar at open mic night about a month later...it was terrifying, but liberating, and my friends were really wonderful and supportive. Oh, and this might shock you a bit, but I dropped acid with three of my best friends and we had crazy adventures...I can't wait to tell you about them. Also, so many small things have happened...my hair is blonder than ever before (it's actually freaking me out a bit), I eat obscene amounts of PB&J (it's all I can afford), and people have introduced me to so much cool new music...I want to send you a CD.
Well, I should go coz I'm supposed to meet my friend Sarah soon. I miss you too and I'm sorry I haven't been better at keeping in touch. You are on my mind a lot, even if it's not always apparent. I love you, take care, and goodnight, sleep tight. Talk to you soon, ferrit girl.
written by  snookyferrit on June 7, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

you're crazy
I'm glad you're grabbing theses opportunities as they present themselves.. were I in your shoes, I would do the same. You should send me a CD, it's been a long time since I received anything from you, and you know what.. You're neglecting your resources! I will be honest with you, i'm a little frustrated not to have heard about you extending your stay earlier, only because I feel like it's not too hard to get onto a computer and leave a blurb, especially one that significant- Nevertheless, it's done and I still wish you well. I can't believe all the stuff you've done and accomplished over your stay there, and am looking forward to seeing actual pictures.
I'm fine, the second car accident involved a woman in a minivan driving into me while I was parked. We settled outside of insurance, it was more of a financial burden than anything.
I'm glad to hear you think you did well on your psych final! Let me know how you did on the others.
Ooooh yeah, guess who is back together? Meg and Chris.. She and mike broke up yesterday, she got back with chris tonight. I'm like.. whaaaa? awwww :( and YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! all at once.
As far as my change of major goes, we'll see how actual business classes fly, but as far as direction in life goes, I don't think i've ever felt this sure. I'm sure that I want to help people, but i'm sure that I don't want to make money off of it. I'm sure that this direction is something I understand, is fitting of my restless nature, will keep me on my toes and take me to places that i've never been before. I'm excited for it.
I care about you snook girl, and hope you enjoy yourself.. I think it's good that you're traveling more, and hope you have a lot of fun. I think I need more time to sink into my space here now that i've found it. I do wish you regarded me more, with everything we've been through, and everything we talked about before you left- I honestly feel a bit stung. But I can't spend any more energy on it- so i'll leave it here on this blog, and continue on with my life tomorrow.
Pep needs her computer back, so i've got to go. Real quick, I can't believe you dropped acid.. what was that like? I love you too, you've been in my thoughts and dreams as well. Gnight sleep tight beautiful- hugs from NY
Mel
written by  snookyferrit on June 9, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

done with school!
Sooo, I had a dream two nights ago that you received something in the mail from me...I mean, it was just a dream...but my gut's telling me it might come true between June 13 and 18. So yes...let's hope my gut knows what it's talking about. :P
I am so sorry again for not letting you know earlier...the decision was made really spontaneously at the beginning of mid-semester break when I didn't really have access to computers, and then once I got back it wasn't such a new thing anymore compared to everything we did in tasmania/australia, and it just kind of slipped my mind. And then I got super busy, and you know the rest...it's lame as fuck, but I genuinely wasn't trying to keep the decision from you or hurt you by not dropping the bomb until now. I wouldn't do that to you. You have every right to be upset with me though. Also, I was just curious, what do you mean when you say that you need more time to sink into your space here now that you've found it?
I'm glad to hear that the second car accident wasn't big and scary. People just keep running into you! :(
Meg and Chris are back together?! That hurts my brain but in a good way. How do you feel about it? I know you really like Chris, but were getting to like Mike too...I totally didn't see that coming.
I had my last final today and I think it went well...yay! Now I'm not sure what's happening...I get kicked out of my flat June 19th, and after that I have no idea where I'm going...it'll all work out though. I want to climb a mountain near here, but I have to get a car...it's also winter here, so I have to see if it's possible still. After that I might work on farms or try to go visit Hannah...I hope she'll have room for my big bags, lol.
My friends and I decided that it was wrong for it to be fall here and not have Halloween, so we threw a Halloween party. I was Amanda Palmer again, only blonde and without heels...no one knew who I was, lol. I kept thinking, If I was on Long Island, everyone would know who I was, lol.
So, my latest crazy idea...I really want to get a tattoo to represent my time here and I've been designing it for awhile. The problem is that I have very little money left. Do I spend the money and skimp by for 3 weeks, or do I play it safe? Hm...
Well, I better go eat dinner coz I just finished my final before writing you and I think thinking makes me hungry, lol. I love you and I'll talk to you soon. Sleep tight!
written by  snookyferrit on June 10, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

lolz from NY
I'll be checking my mail. I've been thinking about getting a tat as well. I really want to get one on my arm though, but want the color of my scars to fade. I don't know if I mentioned it to you yet, but i've been using mederma to reduce the size and visibility of my scars.. it costs me 18 dollars a bottle, and I can go through one easily in a week or two, but i'm hoping to be able to wear t-shirts again by next summer. The crazy girl in me says get the tat, the one worried about your financial situation says be careful. Is there any other way of making funds?
As far as settling into my place.. I feel like i've just reached a healthy, happy place- and i've done it on my own. I want to stay that person for good, and am looking forward to more time to work on that before you get back. we're going to have a lot of catching up to do, and since it is unpredictable the way things will be, I want to be sure that I can handle anything. I want to be my own safety net in case of falling. I am so looking forward to seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, and feeling your hugs again. I miss you more than I even realize sometimes. Like right now, I have a lump in my throat.
Things were getting kind of crazy with mike. I will explain when I have more time. There is actually a lot to fill you in on about everything in life. Random thoughts and memories come to mind when I write to you on here, but there's just too much. I'll have to tell you a little bit at a time, i think- and probably over a long period of time. I'll still be filling you in, I think, even months after you're back. But anyway, I am happy and relieved that meg is back with chris. He is good for her, and I think good to have around.
Whaaa? You tried to pull off an amanda palmer with long blonde hair?? gotta' love it. I can't believe it's winter there already? BE careful if you do go mounting climbing- I do want to see you again- preferably in one piece.
I decided to pay for school on my credit card. I need to sign up for next semester soon, and am receiving no help from anywhere so.. I have enough money on it and have a low interest rate because of student banking. I want my grades too, damn it. lol
I have to head out to the verizon store now because my cellphone battery pooped out on me. RIP. So I gotta' go, but I love you too snook. KIT with me, let me know when you won't have a computer anymore. talk to you soon x
Mel
written by  snookyferrit on June 10, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

On the radio
I woke up compelled to reach out to you this morning.. I actually just jumped out of bed and begged meg to borrow her computer, lol.. I love you and miss you kae.. I wish I could hug you right now..

Last week in Dunedin!
I don't have much time, but I wanted to let you know that I got your last messages and I'm thinking of you. I think that's awesome that you're helping your scars go away...is the cream working? Maybe that's something I should think about too. I think it would be therapeutic for both of us.
So, this is the start of my last week in Dunedin, or half-week rather since I'm probably leaving on Thursday...after this I'm going to be borrowing a friend's car to travel until the 28th...then I fly to Auckland, spend a couple of days with Hannah, and leave NZ the 30th. This means I have to not only relearn how to drive a stick, but also get used to driving on the left side of the road. Urgh.
I know, leave it to me to be Amanda Palmer with long blonde hair. The only thing though is that it's not so long anymore...I got bored and cut it. It's about at my shoulders, and it's weird...my hair hasn't been this short since I was in the 1st grade. It's easier to manage though, which is nice. :)
Well, the library is closing soon, so I should probably go. I miss you too. Have you gotten that thing that my gut is telling me might come in the mail yet? Just checking. ;) Love you, ferrit girl, and talk to you soon.
written by  snookyferrit on June 15, 2008 from Dunedin, New Zealand

on the road...
Nelson, New Zealand
Hey you! So, I have left Dunedin and am currently traveling across the country with friends. I've driven over 1,000 km on a stick shift on the left side of the road...I'm pretty proud of myself. :) So far we've just been trying to reach a National Park called Abel Tasman, which is on the northern part of the South Island...we want to do a coastal hike that takes 5 days or so to do, although we'll probably only be able to do it for 3 days. Then we drive back to Dunedin, drop off the car we've been using, and fly to Auckland to see Hannah. Yay!
So, new and interesting things since I last wrote you...I went to a beach in Dunedin and saw yellow-eyed penguins, the rarest penguins in the world...I can't remember if I told you that or not. We had a fiasco with the car we're driving...we were going up a hill 250 km outside of Duendin when the clutch decided to fail...it took us 4 days and $1,200 to fix it. Luckily, the owner of the car will be paying us back. We also got a flat, which I have to pay for. We went on a hike at night and saw glowworms in the trees...they are small and green, and the way they were scattered in the trees reminded me of constellations in the sky. We also have been driving through some beautiful rainforest. It's been a good trip, car problems excluded.
Did you get the package yet? I hope that if you did, it made you happy. :)
Well, I better go coz my time on the comp is almost up. I love you and I miss you! Take care, Miss Mel.
written by  snookyferrit on June 22, 2008 from Nelson, New Zealand

hey you
I did receive your package, the pictures are beautiful. I'm sorry I can't write much, I stole the comp. from amanda and pep.. they're crazy and sisnging the power of love.. ummmm.. anyway... hahaha.. well.. sounds like you're having a great time.. My sisters and I used to sleep with these glow worm toys when we were kids, so that's actually a realy cool story to me.. I wish I had more time to write.. but I felt like telling you how much I love and miss you tonight.. so, hopefully i'll hear from you soon.. have a blast.. night sleep tight angel,
mel

What to say..
Thanks for the CD- but I am not ready to hear things that hit so close to home yet. I appreciate the pics of your school and the mountains- and it was nice to see your handwriting again. As far as the CD goes, i'll listen to it when ready. Love you, hope all is well. Mel

bad news
Auckland, New Zealand
Hey you,
I don't have much time to write, I'm just letting you know that all is well in the southern hemisphere. I fly to Fiji tomorrow and I'll be there for a week. I'm not as excited as I should be though...Fiji will be cool but I'm eager to get home. I got some bad news 2 days ago...Jamie (my brother) has Hodgkin's Lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes. It's apparently the most curable form of cancer (80-90% get cured) and he is determined to beat it, which is awesome. It's just scary because he's only 27 and the cancer is already a Stage 3, perhaps Stage 4 (there are only 4 stages). I found out via e-mail, which kinda sucked majorly and resulted in hysterical sobbing, but my friends here have been really supportive and I've been in contact with my family for the last couple days and they seem optimistic and have helped calm me down/reassured me that I don't need to rush home. Jamie starts chemo on Monday and will probably have to have it every 2 weeks for 6 to 8 months, which will be grueling, but hopefully effective. I'm planning on visiting him a lot this summer...I just can't fucking believe he has cancer. I have complete faith that he can recover from this...it's just a scary reminder that we shouldn't take our loved ones for granted I guess. Anyhoo, I have to go now, but I just wanted to let you know what's going on. Goodnight, sleep tight, ferrit girl.
Love,
Kae
written by  snookyferrit on June 29, 2008 from Auckland, New Zealand

speechless
Oh my god angel, I can't believe what i'm hearing. I want to see Jamie right now and bear hug him and give him all my good energy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this so far away. Whatever you need, whatever your family needs, and especially whatever Jamie needs- whatever I can give. I wish I could be there for you, and make it better. Don't forget that I am here- somewhere in there is a smile I know I can bring out of you. I'm unsure of how your family would feel hearing from me, so please, send them my love and support- and remember- you have had that from me from the start. Love you snook, please keep in touch
-Mel
written by  snookyferrit on July 2, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

I know
I wasn't expecting you for some reason until tomorrow, but it's as if I felt your arrival. It felt like my heart was stretching for thousands of Miles, I knew you were home- I don't know how else to describe it. I decided to check this today, and here you are.. I hope you've found sleep well. I called your house the other day when I first read about Jamie- I don't know why it feels neccessary to say- but I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries- I just wanted your family to know first hand they have support from this side of the country. My father also did all of that research and has a slew of friends involved in cancer studies- perhaps there truly is something we can do to help. I'm laying the offer on the table. Regardless, I have been practicing quantum thinking again in Jamie's name, and I do believe in it. I love you kae, and am here. I know you have a lot that you're trying to digest, and in case you've forgotten- you can call me in the event of overflow. I'm not telling you that you have to call me, i'm reminding you that I m here if you feel like you need me. night, sleep tight- Mel
written by  snookyferrit on July 8, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

very delirious, must sleep, but optimistic
Auburn, United States
It seems life has hit you below the belt
And smacked you in the face with the biology you’ve been dealt
Might have been all the shit in the air
Or the hormones in our food
But there is nowhere to put the blame
You’re only twenty-eight
You fell in love with living
Now she might break your heart
And leave you clad in tubes and baseball caps
With only memory to keep you warm
So much you have yet to do
I pray she’ll take your hand again
So much I know you will do
If she comes to her senses
Now I’m halfway across the world
Suddenly in your living room
And though you smile, all I can do is cry
Life is breaking my heart too
But if you have hope I sure as hell will too
Just give me a minute to miss you before I have to
Someone shoot the messenger
Before this becomes real to me
Someone tear this cancer from my brother
Before my pessimism runs free
So much spirit in him to Erode
But can that beat malignancy?
Get me out of this ER episode
And on the next plane back home
And I’m as powerless as I was there
But at least I’m close to you
I’m sorry I’m fearing the worst
Before I have a reason to
Just give me a minute to miss you before
I have no choice in what I can do
You, given a tentative everything
Promises for a future you may never see
But your glass is half full in more ways than one
Throw it in irony’s face
Wash my worries away
And when you say it’ll be okay
I find strength for myself in you
Let’s continue our fling with living
Sweaty palms and everything
Just give me a minute to miss you so
I never take you for granted again
written by  snookyferrit on July 11, 2008 from Auburn, United States

god
I love you so much. I'm so worried about you.. hang in there, beautiful.
written by  snookyferrit on July 11, 2008 from Smithtown, United States

I have a really hard time sitting still...
Auburn, United States
Hey you! So, I suck...things have been really busy this week and I haven't found the time to call. Also, I won't be able to call until the 27th because I made a decision a couple days ago, which was to go on my father's Field trip, potentially his last one (although he always says that...I think he might be serious this time though). We're going to southern Colorado...Mesa Verde, Natural Bridges, Black Gunnison Canyon, Lehman Caves...it'll be cool. I'm sorry I didn't get to call you before I leave, but I wanted to let you know that I miss you and I'm thinking of you. Love you, dahling, talk to you when I get back. *hugs*
Love,
written by  snookyferrit on July 18, 2008 from Auburn, United States

That's awesome
Have fun! I'll talk to you eventually.. I had a blast with you on the phone last week.. thinking about it makes me smile! enjoy the trip and the time with your dad- i'm excited for stories. *hugs* Love you and miss you too--

manitees and lemon drop shots...
Rockledge, United States
I deleted the last entry, it's not even worth reflecting on... what up, from florida. It's my first weekend here, in case you don't read this for a while. It's so crazy being here, having been in New York only a couple of days ago... especially having had no plans to step foot off long island before graduating. I can't even begin to describe the way I feel, and that whole "dealing with your inner turmoil without fixating on it" thing is impossible, and i'm still... totally... at a loss for words. I can't even go there... so, i'll just describe my new experiences. I've seen my first lizard, pelican, manatee and dolphin. Had my first lemon drop triple shot, (which I think is a mix of lemon flavored vodka, seltzer water, and garnished with a slice of lemon covered in sugar). I pierced my ears! Mom's friend Robin paid for it and the 24 Karat earrings... If I knew she was going to pay for it, I never even would have told her my ears weren't pierced... But I am learning to accept gifts... I like her a lot, she's free spirited, and looks like she's had one or two (or a million) wild moments in her life. Her husband Randy is a southern gentleman... I watched the Daytona 500 for the first time with them... we ate dinner over there, and robin baked a pie (even though she doesn't like desserts).My mother's next door neighbor's chen and li li have a son named johnny (their aunt is visiting from vietnam for a couple of months).. They remind me so much of Jenny and her family back home. They invited me in for a beer, and we watched, I dunno'... the chinese vma's or something. My mom is friends with her landlord Jen, and her husband Ed.. but i'm not liking them too much right now, so i'll hold off making any judgement for a while... I'm hoping to join an 8 mile hike with my mother's other friend's soon... I like them all a lot.. I just hope I can figure out the bus schedule quickly and meet people my own age. Not that I haven't enjoyed myself to this point, it's just that I want to know what else there is to do around here.. and as much as i like going out to eat and drink, I want to try new things too... I want to know florida in more than one way. Chen is looking at cosmetology schools for me, he owns a nail salon and would probably hire me if I had my license. I've been spending a lot of time with my mom.. we have dinner together every night (she's teaching me how to cook- so far i've learned about the art of preparing nachos and reheating leftovers- (which by the way, if you ever go to TGIFridays, the tropical mint mojito is pretty good).. but soon, i'm sure I will learn how to cook for real. We hang out with Chessie (her dog who's birthday was this last saturday), and watch shows and movies that she's saved on her DVR. I'm enjoying my time spent here (with the exception of going to sleep at night... I stay up thinking about everything i've left in New York, the good and bad)...I think when I get a job and have something more to do in the day time it will be better. Anyway, I have to go make myself busy.. (there's this nice spot for running by the river- by the way, we're within walking distance from cocoa beach, which is much like old town port jeff... we are so close to the water, it's ridiculous)... I'll be leaving a lot of my updates here since I leave my phone at home most of the time (until I learn how to block numbers, I won't be around it much)... I hope all is well... Love you, take care, Mel
written by  snookyferrit on February 16, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Fire dog
Rockledge, United States
Did it work?
My mother cooks Chessie a stew once a week. She get's out the big pot, chops up vegetables and boils chicken thighs and legs down. She let's it all boil for a couple of hours. She told me once before that she left the pot on simmer before going to work one day a couple of weeks ago, and the fire department had to come and knock down her door because there was smoke pluming out from the slightly cracked windows. She said that's the only time it's ever happened. The other night she had set the pot to simmer while we were watching our soaps and eating dinner.. after countless hours of days of our lives and all my children, and of course after a nice warm shower I was ready for bed... In my dream I heard Chessie whining, and felt his paw on my hand, I woke up and there he was, pawing my hand and whining into my ear... smoke was everywhere. The second I sat up, he left the room.. I saw the light on in the kitchen. I jumped out of bed and there she was cursing at the boiled down chicken fragments lining the bottom of her brand new pot. As sorry as I was about the pot, (and i know she was even more sorry), we had to laugh... I went out tanning the next day, and could have cried because for three hours of sun exposure I was still white as a ghost. Later on that evening I noticed in the bathroom a tan streak running from my forehead to my kneecaps. Had to laugh again. Today I went job hunting... I picked up app's for Barnie's coffee shop, COBB theatre, Publix grocery store (mom and gene call it pubix), Wal-Mart (Which they refer to as Wally- world), BJ's, Zumiez, and... oh lord, everywhere inside and around the mall... I need to make a friend... I just don't have the chance to get out at all, unless it's with mom... which I have no problem spending time with her, it's usually a lot of fun... it's just... that... fuck it, honestly, I don't want to live vicariously through my mother. All of her friends are nice, and mom knows how to kick back.. but I need to let loose some energy.. talk to people who share my interests, goof off, go nuts... I just feel... muted down... I like being mellow, just not all of the time. I love my mom to death, and she's great to live with... I just need a house key. Pronto. I can go out while she's at work (if i'm not working, that is) and hang out with her at night.. then go back out again when she hits the sack, and hang out with her again in the morning. That way, i'm not a motor ball all the time, and noone's at home in the day time anyway. I think even Chessie is getting sick of me, haha. Anyhoo... It's getting easier to be here... I miss my life, my family and my friends back home... and that just doesn't change... but i'm dealing with it... I can't wait to not be a tourist here anymore.
PS... got the skype memo... i'm ferritgirl... I wanted just Mel... but it's not long enough... bastards.
written by  snookyferrit on February 20, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

my Future (ahhhhh!) and the psych ward
Bronxville, United States
It's beautiful outside, and yet the wind is making it frigid. I want to go lay in the sun, but I might die from hypothermia, so I'm staying in my room. I moved my bed next to the window last semester so that at times like these, I could bask in the sun from the comfort of my room...Dimo thinks it's kinda creepy that people could look in, but mostly I'm just happy that I can look out.
I had two interviews last Tuesday...one was for the JET program (the Japanese teaching program) and the other was for a non-profit organization called US PIRG that organizes social movements on college campuses/lobbies and canvasses for social change. I went into the city for JET to the Consulate of Japan...man, security is high there. The interview went well, but it also could have gone better...they kind of caught me offguard with a really obvious question, which was whether or not I liked kids...I smiled and lied and then told them that, although I enjoyed children, I would rather work with adolescents. I'm not as good at lying as I used to be...my face tends to give away my emotions now, so I'm not sure if they bought my response or not, lol. Oh well...I did the best I could do, and I'll find out the results in April. For PIRG, I got a second interview, but I'm not sure how I feel about them...I love the idea of working towards social change, but I did some research on the internet and found that there have been a few wage/labor law disputes with an affiliate of PIRG recently...people were getting paid less than minimum wage. PIRG has a fixed salary rather than an hourly salary so that wouldn't be a problem, but I would earn $23,000 a year for 50 to 80 hours of work a week...with that much time spent at PIRG for so little money, I'm not sure if I would be able to pay off my student loans...I wouldn't have enough time to pick up a second job. Also, although I could request a location to work, the possibility that I may end up somewhere completely different is high...I could end up in Alabama, where I'd be shot for sure. So yeah...still not sure what's happening with my life after graduation. But that's okay...no one really does at this point (except for Dimo, and he's just a freak...damn computer programmer...shakes fist). It will all be fine.
On a different note, I got my old volunteer position back at the psych ward...my first day was yesterday, and I am sooooo excited. I was afraid that I'd forgotten a lot, but I was able to work with the same doctor (the Croatian guy with a shaved head and big hoop earring in his left ear...he's awesome and looks like a pirate), and he basically sent me out to talk to patients right away, which was scary as fuck but also boosted my self-esteem a bit. I interviewed a man who could hear the Pope talking to him in his head...apparently, Jesus did this occasionally too. I also had a couple patients make sexual comments toward me though when I was walking through the hall, which I hate...it makes me feel like I'm asking for it by wearing nice clothes to work...but I have to wear nice clothes because that's what you do in professional settings...argh. What if I ever have to interview someone like that one on one with the office door closed? Am I going to have to be afraid because I'm a young woman? I guess this is the first time I've ever had to really think about this, and it upsets me.
On a happier note, I'm happy with my schoolwork and social life...I'm taking a psychopathology class, which is fascinating and reading lots of memoirs written by "mentally ill" people...I love it. I'm writing a lot and Jemma, Anna, and I started our own little writing group in which we have dinner and wine once a week and then critique each other's work. Julia and I have also been spending a lot of time together having study parties and making food and going to random arty shows (we saw the Vagina Monologues and a performing arts pie-eating contest...it was interesting)...Ariele, Sammy, Graham, and I drink beer and play Apples to Apples...life is good right now. I'm going up to Providence to see Dimo this weekend...he came to see me for V-day, so now it's my turn to go up there, which also means that I'll get to see Sarah. I'm enjoying it all, but sometimes i feel spread a little thin...I'm spending so much time soaking up people while I still can that I haven't done the reading for my lecture class in three weeks. Ooops. But I don't regret it.
Speaking of socializing, I have complete faith that you can make friends your own age...you have a gift for connecting with people...I guess the hard part is finding a situation in which to do that. You'll be fine, especially if you get a job. How are things down in Florida? What have you been up to? Have you been keeping in touch with people in NY and do you know what's happening with Meaghan's parents yet? I hope all is well, and I'm really glad your house didn't burn down. :S Tell your mom hi for me, and I send my love to both of you. Hugs!
P.S. Awesome pictures! When did you get your ears pierced?!
P.P.S. I posted some pictures from the summer of 2007...I've been meaning to put them on facebook, but I'm not sure if you're using facebook anymore...? Anyhoo, now you can look at them here.
written by  snookyferrit on February 24, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

Rushed
Rockledge, United States
Every four days I leave an entry on here. It’s not on purpose either. I just took notice when I looked at the dates on the entries today for the first time. I went tanning again today, it’s about 70 degrees… It was pretty clear for a while, but then some clouds rolled in and tanning time was over. Put in a shit ton of app’s on line, and now it’s time to wait… It’s all that I do.. I’m waiting for word about the situation. Waiting for a set of house keys. Waiting to go outside and have some freedom. Waiting for a call back. My life has become a waiting game, and I’m sick of it. I sound selfish and whiny, I know… and it’s not like I’m a caged animal… I just have about the worst case of cabin fever ever… But that all may change soon... I may start dropping mom off at work in the morning.. leaving me the car (wooo hooo!).. and a set of keys for the house (wooo hooo hooo!).. So, I think this means that i'm going to have a life again, soon (woooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)..
Wow... well, the pics.. man, those days to me are like a foggy dream. I think about your friends a lot.. but Hannah, Tony, and Jemma especially. It's strange to think that I knew them as they were years before and I often wonder who they've blossomed into today. I know it hasn't been that long, but look how far you've come and then do the math.
I don't have many pictures here to look on and think back to... I miss you more now that I have these to look at, but in a good way. I miss you now, but with the anticipation of seeing you again... soooome day... I almost forgot we took those. I want to climb the rocks again! and smoke weed on the edge of the porch of death. And listen to Hannah go on and on about her boy problems.
Enough reminiscing, lol... Man, you have your hands full... I know it's hard balancing all those things and a social life, but i'm sure if it comes down to it, you'll prioritize... and i'm not surprised about the writing group or the “arty shows”... that's who you all are... sounds like a lot of fun.
Your future is fine. It will all be okay. You are determined and smart as hell and this is life, man, often times there aren’t plans set in stone.. but you know who you are, and you know what you love, and you haven’t been studying all this time for nothing… somebody will find you, or you will find somebody or you’ll find it in yourself and the path you choose will be explosively good. I’m not worried for you at all.
As far as children go… eh, one or two bad experiences? I remember them… brush your shoulder off, kid. If they stick you with the little one’s, just remember that you’re there to make a difference… and you will. But if they give you the adolescents, man, congrats. And if you don’t make it, you’ll make it somewhere else.
PIRG concerns me a bit.
The psych ward thing on the other hand... awesome... really, awesome that you're back there. The patients- don't let them get to you. Keep them at a distance, and keep hospital security in mind. It scares me to think about what they could be capable of... just stick to your guns, and react right away if you see any red flags (any at all)... every job comes with risks, and if it's a job that you love, sometimes you have to take those risks... you're smart, you'll be okay.
I gotta’ go… I’ll update on my life next time. See ya’ in four days probably.
written by  snookyferrit on February 24, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Small rant
“I went running yesterday, by the Indian river. It was beautiful.. the sun reflected off the ripples of water that expanded on forever. There are 50,000 varieties of palm trees, i think, and they all line the riverbank. I ran until I couldn't think about anything anymore... concentrated on pacing myself, on getting rid of a cramp, on the sifting sand and rocks in my shoes... I sat underneath an overpass and watched lizards sunbathe. I stayed out until the sun started to go down. The sky turned grapefruit pink.” That’s what I wrote to Rosa the day after her lecture to me about letting go of the people I’ve come to love. She is looking out for me, and at times she has to be a rock herself, to protect me. Especially during my weak moments, when I want to reach out to Meg, Suzie, Steph, Vinny, and Julianne. When I want to risk my freedom to tell them that I love them, and that I’m not abandoning them. She yelled at me using capital letters on facebook chat. That I have to let go, that I’d be risking myself, my future, any scrap of hope by talking to them. That I need to come out of this intact. I had to agree. She’s right. She always is. And as I deleted each one of them from my friends list, my heart sunk a little deeper into my chest. Until I was done, and there was nothing left to feel. And I flew out of my head, and found a place to curl into myself, and hold myself until the next day. And I woke up and knew that I had to get rid of it. So, I ran.
I can’t even describe what it’s been like. Being told to forget, and leave my entire life behind. Everything I’ve worked for, everyone I love… to reclaim, what? My dignity? Hah, please… I still have my dignity. My future? I can’t reclaim that. There’s nothing there. Everything I saw ahead of me is gone. My entire vision, wiped away. I know that I can take this blank canvas and make something beautiful. I know that I have to move forward, Sever all ties to everything I knew. Start fresh. Clean. But I didn’t feel un-clean! I was happy, damn it! We all were… and there’s my one link. We share that. I can’t let go, because they can’t let go. I won’t if they won’t. So what do I call this? Pretend? Fine. Game face on. Wall up. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.
Damn it! I’m so arrrrgh! So sad. So frustrated, SO angry. I don’t know who to direct it at. I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t write… Here they are! Those nasty, filthy feelings… the rage, the pain, the next to hysterical twisting -knotted -glass shard- sharp bone- blood battered- hair raising- teeth clenching -white knuckled feelings that make me want to scream at the top of my freakin lungs!!!… and the second I open my mouth, NOOOTHING.
I just run. I take in the beauty around me and imagine it’s a blanket, soothing me. Letting my mind rest. I am grounded with every foot fall, and I am grateful for dirt and sand. I am grateful for Amanda Fucking Palmer and the Dresden dolls who take me to another place and time. I run until I feel like something is exploding inside of me. Then I walk, and I watch the world throb and pull away.
I have to be done with this. I haven’t allowed myself to think about it consciously until now, and I can’t. I have to numb myself from it, and put it away until it’s safe to take out again. It’s time to work. It’s time for me to rebuild. I have a new place, and a new life. And the two cannot mix. I have to separate them, like peas and corn on a plate. I can only focus on one of them at a time, and I choose Florida. I can’t do anything about New York that I haven’t already done. Florida is here and now, right in front of me, and I can't can't can't can't CAN'T live in the past like I chose to so many times before. I choose the opposite, and that's the end of this rant.

weeeeeee!
Um, wow... has it really been 5 days? Things have been so much better... I went on an 8.2 mile hike on sunday with my mom and her friends Doug and Cathy... Doug and I trailed ahead... and the last half of it I jogged... did I mention I went bare foot? (It was a dare) Oh my god, it felt so good to finish. Every bit of it actually felt good, in an odd way. Pushing myself felt good. Pacing myself felt good. Being out of my head felt damn good. Granted, my legs didn't feel good today. But it gave me an excuse to take a luke warm bath in lavender oil. My mother has a yoga mat which i'm going to use tomorrow morning to stretch, and then i'm going back to run down Rockledge Blvd. A lot of people stopped trying to contact me after the Great facebook deletion. As terrible as I feel about having to do it, it actually feels good to not be swarmed with calls that I have to ignore, and messages that I have to erase... it's good to not have my focus drawn away from the things here. Now I can try to put it all behind me, and channel any remaining emotions through running. I would complain about how it's in the 40's/50's here, but I thought I heard somewhere that you guys got 8-11 inches of snow and well... look on the Bright side... snow is pretty! Hope all is good... You must be busy, take care of yourself... no brain emplosions, k?
written by  snookyferrit on March 2, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

siiiiiccckkkk
Bronxville, United States
Hey dear, sorry I haven't gotten back to you lately...there has been a plague going around SLC and it seems that I have caught it...I feel like Death shat on my immune system. I'll get back to you once I feel I actually have the power to be coherent. Glad things are looking up!
Love,
Kae
P.S. I actually had a nightmare the other night about not being able to breathe through my nose, and when I woke up, it was true...how sad is that?
written by  snookyferrit on March 4, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

honesty
Bronxville, United States
Hey girl. I'm glad you're feeling better about things, although I do think--as always--it's best not to tuck the hard things away and to meet them head on. I only say this because you said in your small rant the other day that it was the first time you'd really let yourself think about it consciously...perhaps you should be letting yourself more often? Not dwelling or stewing, of course...just thinking.
As for me, I'm going to be very honest right now, and I hope it doesn't hurt you in any way. It's hard for me to hear about everything you left behind on Long Island, how happy you were and how much you love people who can no longer be in your life. Not that I don't want you to be happy...happiness was all I wanted for you since the beginning, especially when we were dating...but that's the point. I feel like I worked soooo hard while we were dating, pushing you to take care of yourself and reach for happiness/healthiness, and I was met with so much opposition, often at the expense of my own emotions. And the happiness you've found in the last year is yours...YOU worked for it, and I am so proud of you. At the same time, however, I can't help but feel that Meg and Suzie and Vinny and everyone reaped the fruits of my labors in addition to yours...I endured a lot of heartache when we were together and still didn't get to see the side of you that they got to...that side of you came later after I ran out of the picture for the sake of my own growth. I know that none of this has to do with me, the Meg thing doesn't have to do with me, but it hurts to know that you had the potential to be the person you were for her all along, but you couldn't do it for me. It hurts that you would risk going to prison for her, but you wouldn't see a psychiatrist for me. While I understand that you were a different person during Meg time and Kae time and that kind of growth cannot be forced, it is still difficult for me to hear you talk about Meg time...it kind of reawakens feelings of abandonment for me. I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm soooo sorry you're in pain over having to leave NY and nothing that happened to you was fair...but I'm still not sure I want to hear about how much you love her/them/your old life. I'm not saying this to hurt you...I'm just being honest about how it makes ME feel. I'm happy to talk to you about Florida and your future plans and whatnot, and I hope we'll always be able to talk about that...but I'm not ready to talk about other people that you love, other people that you sacrificed for.
On a completely different and less heavy note, I have the Flu from Hell, and Emily is supposed to come from Philadelphia to visit me this weekend...it will be the first time she's made it to NY in the four years we've been back east, and I have the Plague. Isn't it ironic...don't ya think? I'm not allowing myself to leave my house, not that I really could if I wanted to...Julia had to go grocery shopping for me yesterday coz I was all out of food, but I was too weak to go to the store...it was really sweet of her/pathetic on my part. I've been sleeping about 17 hours a day...I feel like a cat. On an even different note, did I tell you that Ellie--Hannah's mom--moved to Vermont for the last semester that Hannah is here? She quit her job--it's about time, she's hated it for years--and rented out her house in Auburn and totally relocated to be out in the woods/fresh air...that woman is my hero. If I get better before spring break, I definitely want to go visit them.
Okay, I've been awake for about three hours, and now I think I should go to bed again. Take care and keep running...it sounds like it's been very therapeutic for you! Absorb as much sun and happy nature energy as possible. :)
Kae
written by  snookyferrit on March 5, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

...
Okay. I'm going to be as delicate with this as I can. Number one, I did not risk jail time for Meg, I moved away to avoid it. I never thought it would come to that, (even when the red flags went up- I ignored them, believing that I deserved happiness with another person again, with someone who I care about that was willing to give me a chance). It took so much work to get to this place in my life, and I WANTED to share it with you in the same way I did with her, and them. I’ve always understood you, where your decisions have come from, and though at times I wanted to fight longer and harder, I didn’t (or at least tried not too)… because I want you to be happy too… I’ve always wanted that… and I knew that you had to move on, for your own sake. I knew that I’d poisoned any future we had together. I can’t take back what I did to you, I will never stop wishing I could. But the life I built for me- I built out of what was left… anything good I could salvage. I made a big, selfish mistake letting go of what we had, but I never had any intention of abandoning you. But that’s something you have to realize on your own, if you ever do… not something I can really prove. And I’ve been fighting to this point, just to simply keep you in my life. Sometimes I think I don’t even deserve that, but I have nothing left to lose, really… it’s better to try. You think it was easy for me, coming to terms with you and Dimo… not only being together, but having something serious, healthy and good together? Everything I was dying to give you? Everything that could have been, that’s been resting on my shoulders all this time… all the words blaring in my head, “Fool! Idiot! Selfish!”, beating myself up . It took me what felt like forever to finally allow myself to forgive (myself), move on, and admit that it truly was over. I allowed myself to give someone else a chance. For my own sake. And though you’ll always have such a special place in my heart, I had to let go, and realize that I would never have that chance with you again, and by letting other people pass me by, I was not giving myself a chance to re-experience love again, either… and there is only one life. I don’t want to re-open wounds with you. I don’t want to hurt you. I will forever acknowledge the hurt and pain you went through (those words probably understatements), and will always view myself as responsible. I know you helped me, I’ll be the first to tell anyone… “they” all know that too. I don’t want to lose you again. I am here for you, as a friend. I will always be. I won’t mention her or them anymore, if it bothers you. I’ll keep the conversation light... I don’t know if you ever even thought about this, but… You’re part of what I left behind in NY too. I wanted to see you again, be there for your graduation, have Christa over, try to work on our friendship before you go away. It’s not just them… it’s my family, my other friends, you and missed opportunities. I was looking forward to having you back in my life. I’m not hurt by your honesty, at least not deeply. More concerned than anything. I just hope I haven’t pushed you further away somehow.
Things have been okay. Finding a job here is hard… I’m 2.5 seconds away from applying at hooters… as like, a dishwasher or something… I’ve read “The lovely bones” by Alice Sebold, “Just after sunset”, By Stephen King. “Survivor” by Chuck Palahniuk, and I’m in the middle of “Compelling evidence”, By Steve Martini (Do you think he made up that last name?). I still have no friends my age here. I tried with this guy named John, around the corner. He’s a surfer guy who works at some taco hut… he bought my mother and I dinner and beers one night… but it turns out he’s a coke addict and a drunk. I might try with this kid Ade, the next door neighbor, but word of mouth is that he likes me… and I’m already made tired, just thinking about it. I have the car I can use, but I don’t have money… so a bar or club is out of the question. And nobody really goes to the beach right now, because it’s cold(er, than usual)… It’s mostly crazy surfers and middle aged people. So, I’m like… aggh. I almost stopped this guy on Rockledge Blvd. ( He was walking one way, I was jogging the other)… He looked about my age, and seemed artsy enough … I almost did it, but became self-conscious last minute (I was all too aware of the fact that I was sweating, and my face was probably plump and red, and I was panting and out of breath… I was afraid of scaring him away, which I’m pretty sure I managed to do, anyway)… so I smiled ackwardly, changed the music on my ipod, and left. I guess I’m banking on a job for everything… Working was my life for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to make friends any other way. (Don’t feel guilty if you laugh, I’m laughing at myself right now…:-P)…
I’m sorry that you’re sick :-/… I hope you feel better soon, especially in time for Emily to come out. I hope you do… if it’s not too ackward, tell her I said “Hi”… As far as Julia going shopping for you, that’s what friends are for. And I think it’s fraggen awesome that Ellie is moving to Pennsylvania! That’s so crazy, and sooo cool! How does Hannah feel about it? I’m gonna’ go… Mom’s friends from Canada are here to visit… they brought a ton of Canadian beer, and they’re telling campfire stories, so I should get in on that… I told them, while showing them around the river, about our camping trip with the bears and the truck and the panic alarm and us and tony calling back and forth, tent to tent, in fright. They were laughing hysterical. Love you too…
-Mel
written by  snookyferrit on March 5, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

communication and em's visit
Hey you...I feel kind of bad for writing the last entry, but I'm also happy that my feelings are out there. I do want you to be able to talk to me about things...that's what friends do...and you should be out looking for new things, new loves...but perhaps I'm not as ready to be open as you...? I realize that it's not easy for you to hear me to talk about Dimo, and to a certain degree, I think this knowledge has kept me from from giving you too many emotionally-loaded details...perhaps I am wrong in assuming this is what I should be doing...I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I am not ready to hear about you loving someone else and would appreciate it if you steered the conversation away from such things for a bit longer. I will try to do the same if you're not ready to hear about Dimo, and please let me know if I've been making you uncomfortable or disclosing too much. Most of all, I appreciate the fact that we can share these feelings with each other and try to improve things. :)
So, Em and I had a fun-filled weekend...I picked her up Friday night at Penn Station and we met up with Julia and got thai food...Saturday I took a practice GRE and then Em and I explored the backroads of Bronxville on foot for awhile...it was a beautiful 50 degree day, so we wanted to be outside as much as possible. On Sunday, we went into the city early and got rush tickets for Chicago...we were the first ones in line and only had to pay $30, which was awesome. Then we strolled through Central Park and SoHo and had lunch and this bizarre diner just outside Chinatown...i swear, everyone working there was on crack. Then we walked down Houston to the village and St. Mark's place, and eventually ended up in Union Square...it was Em's first time in the city, so I wanted her to see as much as possible. Then we took the subway to Times Square and saw Chicago, which was awesome...I had forgotten how much I love that musical...all the leads had amazing voices and were awesome dancers...they did cartwheels in heels! It was a very fun weekend...I'm glad that I finally recovered so that she could come.
Any luck on the job search? And good for you for staying away from John...he seems a bit sketchy. Have you seen that artsy boy since last time when you were jogging? I think you should go up to him and say hi even if you think you're sweaty...if he's cool, he won't care.
Well, I better go to sleep coz I have class in 6 hours...ew. Hopefully I'll get to write more soon. Take care and keep trying!
P.S. HAHAHA, oh, the bear story...I have never had anyone grip my arm that tightly since.
written by  snookyferrit on March 10, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

Okay
Do whatever you need to do, and talk to any degree that makes you comfortable... I don't need to hear anything, but I don't mind, either. I want to be your friend, whatever that means.
I'm glad you felt better in time to have your visit with Emily. It sounds like you had a lot of fun. Nevermind doing cartwheels in heels, I wish I could just walk in them. Love Chicago, i'm jealous!
The job search sucks. I'm frustrated. I have a huge phone bill coming up that I don't know how i'm going to pay, and may lose the cell in result. I haven't been using it, really anyway... It's just that, I listed it as my primary contact number on most of the app's.
It has certainly been interesting around here. A lot of popping sounds in the area.. like cherry bombs going off, or gun shots. Mom and I hear them and just smile at eachother ackwardly, lmao. They say this recession is one for the history books. Awesome.
I've been sick for the past couple of days, and haven't been going out much. Bitchy sinuses and the stomache flu from hell. And it's been 80 degrees for the last three days. Dear god, why?? why 80's when i'm sick in bed?!?
I'm going in with mom today at lunch time to steal the car and look for work a couple of towns over. Later on tonight we're going to Kennedy space center to see a shuttle launch. And that, I am REALLY excited about.
I've re-connected with a lot of family and old friends from HS. That has actually been a lot of fun!
It's good to hear from you, ttys :-)
written by  snookyferrit on March 11, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Why?!?!?
P.S. AFP has some show's going on in Fl, and I want to go soooo bad... and they're only $12.00! I need to save my money, and to go would be irresponsible of me... but there's a show in Ft. Lauderdale, which is close... and though I need to save money... I need to see this show!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH, the confliction! Dear god, why must you tease me?!?!?!

spring break begins!
Providence, United States
That really sucks! I hope you don't lose your cell phone...can your mom help you out at all until you find a job? If you gave it out as your contact number, that would be really shitty if you lost it.
Gun shots? Does your mom live in a sketchy neighborhood? Maybe it's kids playing with fireworks? I can totally imagine you and your mom just smiling awkwardly at each other though, lol.
I'm sorry you've been sick! The stomach flu is soooo awful...I hope you're feeling better...the good thing about the stomach flu is that it usually doesn't last very long...I hope this is the case with you. I've been feeling kinda sick again lately too...I think I may have pushed myself too hard the weekend Emily was here, so I should be resting...but it's the first week of spring break and I don't want to rest! I want to go all over the east coast and Dimo and I found really cheap plane tickets to Puerto Rico, so we might be crazy and spontaneous and go there next week...I want to be in good shape if I'm going to be traveling! I'm not doing a very good job of taking care of myself though...I went out drinking last night, and the night before that. It's hard to keep myself in bed when I know that the time I have left with people here is rapidly decreasing.
Speaking of traveling, Jamie and Marcela just bought tickets to come out to my graduation, which i am really excited about...they bought the tickets basically as soon as I gave them the date. It means a lot to me. Unfortunately, Nick and Kim, Christa, and Omi and Opi can't come, but I can only have four guest seats anyway, so this may actually work out well.
Speaking of family, what do you mean you've been reconnecting with friends and family from HS...do you mean via e-mail? However you're doing it, that's awesome to hear. Also, I want to see a space shuttle launch! How was it? Could you feel the heat?
So, I'm going to Boston for St. Patrick's Day on Tuesday...Sarah and I are planning on drinking whiskey and green beer all day, haha. Do you have any St. Patty's plans?
Last thing before I go...GO SEE AMANDA PALMER!!! It's only twelve dollars and you deserve to treat yourself after all the shit that's happened lately. Take your mom, she might like it too. :D
Okies, I have to go now...I need to wash the grossness off me from last night's party...we drank rum from shot glasses made of ice, and sometimes the glasses would melt and the rum would get all over...I feel pretty disgusting and sticky. Anyway, I hope you're doing well and I will talk to you soon. Take care!
written by  snookyferrit on March 15, 2009 from Providence, United States

Hearts stars and horshoes, clovers and blue moons!
Pot's of gold, and rainbows... and the red ballooooooooooons!
I mean, if you're gonna' Americanize the holiday... heheh
Not much time sweetie, but HAPPY ST.PATTY'S DAY!

Puerto Rico!!!
Hey you! So, I'm nuts and spontaneous and want to be poor and destitute for the rest of my life, so I made the very wise decision of purchasing a plane ticket to Puerto Rico...I bought the ticket yesterday, and I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30 am, although I have to leave for the city tonight to actually get to the airport on time. I can't write much coz I have to leave in an hour, but I just wanted to let you know why I would be disappearing for a few days...I'll be back the 24th. Happy late St. Patty's Day, take care, and I'll talk to you soon!

Hello!
It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. First off, I have a job at McDonald’s. Hahahahaha. I’m terrible at it… They want to bump me up… to be a manager (because of my “previous experience at Ralph’s” hahahah). And that is probably the only reason they’re giving me full time right now. So.. I think it’s a horrible idea.. and if they do that the entire earth will open up... and the store will tumble... and fall into the fiery pits of hell... and scorch and char... and DIE. But, I’ll let them know… later. I need this money... and I have so many outstanding bills to worry about. And I’m sure I’m not the first person to totally suck during their first two days at a new job.
I made a friend! Who lives in Japan! HAHAAHAHAHAHA My life! It was… instant connection. It was… who are you, and how do I know you? It was… please tell me you live here, don’t tell me you’re leaving. It was Robin’s son… and I met him on his wedding weekend. I helped set up his reception. I hated him and his wife and his wife’s family before we met (I’ll get into that another time)… and then… Robin pushed me into the Banana river (we sorta’ schemed it up, I’ll tell that story later)… and the sunset cruise boat came back, and he and Amy together saw me for the first time… Josh and I saw each other for the first time… when we were trying to learn how to fold napkins into pope’s hat’s… or kings crown’s… or something to that effect. We insulted eachother… and enjoyed it. But we really hit it off when… Josh smeared cake on my face… and I chased him into the neighbor’s yard… and I smeared cake in his ear… and we ran through the neighborhood fighting with cake… and I lost my sandals, and he found them…. And hid them… and we talked for hours while his new wife slept… and everybody thought there was something going on, but there was nothing. We just connected. I took his number, told him I’d call… that He, Amy and I could get together the next week. Then I got the job, and call backs from other places… and had plans with mom and some of her friends from Ohio… and I didn’t call until Thursday, so we made plans for Friday… Went to Coconuts for dinner (It’s an outdoor restaurant), and it was windy (sooooo cold)… But there was live music, which was fun… And Lacy was there (Robin’s ex-daughter-in-law), which was cool… then we went to COBB theatre to see “Race to witch mountain” which was horrible so we all goofed off the entire time. Then we went to Steak and Shake for milkshakes… and that’s when he told me it was his birthday the next day… So after an all day fight about paying for each other, I dropped them off at Robin’s. We had another run through the neighbor’s yards (throwing money at eachother and whatnot… Amy was already inside, hiding from me and my twenty dollar bill)… but when she saw us still at it, she was bothered… So, I put the 20 in a potted plant, and ran to the car… after a bout of key stealing, and the battle of car Vs. boy, we stopped… and hugged goodbye through a window… I called out goodbye to Amy who was now standing at the edge of the yard… pouting… I didn’t tell them that I’m a lesbian… didn’t see the need… they’re married… Josh is not interested in being with me, and I’m not interested in being with him…We have a mutual interest in becoming friends.... But I don’t know that Amy can handle it, and I don’t feel totally comfortable being myself around her… I feel guilty, and sad for her when Josh and I bond… I try to bond with her too, it’s just that… she doesn’t open up much, we don’t have common ground… the only common ground we share is… that… we both strongly believe in poking as being an obnoxiously vital source of entertainment, but that whacking is better… and we both adore Josh… She more than I, but I don’t think she get’s that… So I called him up at midnight and sang the birthday song, anyway… but decided that it would end there… I would take a step back to give Amy some room.
And the next day Alfonso called me with some news about Shannon…which was not good… and that traveled into Sunday… We visited for the last time… Josh said, “you look… blegh.” And I said, “New York stuff… I want to be there for”… he said, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that”, I said , “Ehh, it’s all good” and I stayed away. And didn’t look into his eyes much. And didn’t look at Amy much. And hugged them both together as I left. And only turned my head back once… when he tapped from the other side of the glass door and looked into my eyes… and gave me that “Please come back and give me a real hug” or “I miss you already” look and the “goodbye for good” wave, which I returned and stayed on the path I’d already been walking and left. And it felt terrible… but all I could see was Amy’s face when he told her that he wanted me to play the first round of DDR, and her face when she stood in the yard watching us hug goodbye… I don’t want to be that girl people talk about… when fights happen, or jealousy happens. I don’t want to be that girl that starts the drama within the first week of a marriage. I miss him already… the funny thing, actually is that I miss them… She may be insecure, and bratty, and a total nutcase at times, but she was nice and sweet when I spent time with her. And she makes Josh happy, soo… hahah
So at the reception Robin and I were standing together… talking and sipping on screwdrivers… very, very strong screwdrives… and I’m mouthing off to her, and she’s threatening to push me into the water… So I tell her about my plan to jump in, anyway (I had a change of clothing in the car to prove it) but was going to wait until the party was over, or until everybody was too drunk to notice… SO we ran back up to the bar and ordered a couple of lime drop shots since they didn’t have any lemon’s… took them to the dock, through them back, and the second I put the lime in my mouth she pushed me in… it was fricken hysterical… I surfaced with a lime still in my mouth and everybody yelling at Robin… after a minute or two of letting them yell at her, I told them it was my idea…
Swimming in the river was awesome… It was the first time since I’ve been here that I actually felt in my element…that I felt free and good and relaxed … there were manitee on the other side of the river, and we’d seen a dolphin in the same spot I was swimming earlier… SO I stayed in for a while to see if anyone or anything would join me… and climbed out in time for cake.
I’ve been getting to know the neighbors. Dave (middle aged guy from “up north” too whose trying to convince me to drop everything I know about the “New York way” in order to survive in “F-L-A”.) needs some help fixing up some boats in his yard, and asked me to work for him. I’d do it for free, but hey! He’s being paid for the extra labor, and I need the money hahaha. John has been much more interested in hanging out with me… He wants to go camping, and to drive me around to all his favorite spots on the coast. I drink some beers with him now and then, maybe smoke a J… maybe hang out and talk a bit… but I keep my distance from him still, and won’t be going camping (with him) anytime soon… He’s nice, and has some crazy stories… but I still get a bad vibe from him, and Dave certainly doesn’t think highly of him. But he told me about the popping sounds… there’s our version of the projects West of us… they pop off their guns apparently all the time. And the cop that was search lighting up our street the other night was looking for the bum at the end of the block. I told you we have a homeless guy living in the woods, right? He’s crazy… (surprise, surprise)… you have to formally evict homeless people off your property if they set up camp in Fl… did you know that? Lmao… Lem is such a sweet hearted guy. I talk to him almost everyday. He’s done a lot of traveling, and is sooo laid back.
Mom’s house sitting for Robin this week, so I have the house to myself. It’s sorta’ nice… 1) because I finally have a house key, 2) because I finally have a spare key to the car and 3) Freedom to explore… Although I plan to visit mom and jump into Banana river a couple of times heheh
Anyhoo, life is coming together… I’m sorry if this entry is a mess, I have work in a couple of hours and am just probably not going to take my time to reread over and correct anything so… please ignore the grammar or anything else that may be terribly wrong…
Anyhoo, how was Puerto Rico?? Have you told you parents? If so, how did they react? What did you do there??
Love, Mel

Dad and Liz!
P.S. I can't believe I forgot to mention that Dad and Liz are flying down to visit... Liz's parents live in Ft.Lauderdale, so they're going to visit Mom and I, and then head down there. They'll only have a couple hours to hang out tonight, but we're going to spend the afternoon together tomorrow... i'm so excited! Wooooooooooo hoooooooooo!

a quickie
I'm back from Puerto Rico! I can't write much because it's 2:30 am and I have class in a few hours, but I will definitely update you soon, it was AMAZING! Oh, and it's awesome that your dad and Liz came to visit! Did you have fun?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!! AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
That's quite allright, girlie... i'm busy too... oh my god, I thought I
might shoot myself in the head this week. I am not nearly
as busy as I used to be in New York, but everything here is just
chaotic. Dogsitting, people visiting, work, phone,
new york this, new york that bills bills bills needs needs needs
driving back and forth guam-home,
guam-home nopooooo sleeeeeeeep, strange noises, low flying hellicopters,
friend crisis here sister crisis there lost set of keys!
broken shoes, broken sandals, broken brain, stresssssssssssssssss
money, school, residency, jury duty notices email postal service help S.O.S. Mel down!, mailboxes... bending hahaha ... bed, pillow, please...
to pay my bills... to afford tuition...to get out of debt...
to buy some shoes... I can't wait until I don't have to worry anymore.
I used to be busy... now i'm just stressed out...
I don't know where that came from...
I have to go to work soon... and it's all good. MY head is just... full... sorry for the rant... I am going to find the
highest place around here tonight and just scream at the top of my lungs... ohmygodIcan'twait...
i'll update on the real life next time i'm on... i'm glad Peurto Rico
was awesome... yess, definately tell me about it when you have
the chance... Visit with Dad and Liz was great, Elly is coming this
week end, Pepper and Tannaz next week... It's so crazy... I don't
know how i'm going to do it, but it's going to be great when it happens... Hope all is well, looking forward to updates...
take care of your self, and I miss you!
Love, Mel

*Bump*
Do you remember when we used to bump threads on delphi? Bump! I have no idea what reminded me of that but... haha... I don't know, i'm exhausted...
Oh man, hanging out with my co-worker Edmond and his friend Terrance a couple days ago reminded me of how white I am… I don’t know anything about BET, Rap, Hip hop or R&B… aside from that and the awkwardness of outing myself while he hit on me… again… we had fun… We smoked weed and watched some of the music videos he and his friend Terrance made over the past couple of months… they’re awesome… and hysterical… I went Kayaking in the canal with Robin yesterday… it was so much fun. We pissed Randy off by jumping /dunking/capsizing each other all night long … At the end we tugged each other’s rafts around with the kayak… and then, all at once it was like… We were drinking Margharitas and floating along, and Robin out of nowhere just went down… I dumped my drink over and just dove in… We were fricken hysterical… tugging the boats back in from the middle of the canal was hahahah… we kept stopping to laugh… I had to change my clothing like three times that night… We had this stuff called slop for dinner… It’s Shrimp in this odd marinade… you’re supposed to take some shrimp and put it in the bowl, then drown it in Marinade like it’s soup, and then dunk bread into it (Randy’s father’s recipe)… it was actually really good. Later on in the evening Mom an I left to pick Elly up in Winterpark, which is a town just outside of Orlando… It was so incredible to see her again. I showed her down town Cocoa, (which is FLA’s version of Port Jeff)… We went swinging in the park, and then sat in this Gazebo thing outside of a bar in the center of town… We spent hours talking… everywhere … We shared a bed, and watched this thing on primordial dwarfs until we fell asleep. The next morning I made Banana pancakes for us and Dave … They were terrible for some reason… I also burned the coffee… The food was un-enjoyable, but we had a good time… Elly and I couldn’t leave the house until my mom’s dumb fuck landlord finished fixing the front door… So we sat around watching movies and TV shows. Finally Ed left and mom came home, so I took Elly to Rockledge Blvd. where I run. Down at the river we saw a couple dolphins, and decided to go swimming… so we jumped in… Ohhhh my god, I am so tired… I’ll update more soon… night
Love, Mel
written by  snookyferrit on April 6, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Puerto Rico...a bit after the fact
Hey you! Sorry it's taken me so long to write back...I've had a lot to do with catching up with school and whatnot...also, I went to Boston the last two weekends in a row to visit friends who I met in NZ who were visiting my friend Sarah...it was craziness, we were all reunited and it was wonderful...we visited Cape Cod and Portsmouth, New Hampshire, both of which were beautiful and new to me...I got to play in a really old cemetery. :D We also stopped in Salisbury, New Hamp, which was creeeepy...we went there for the beach, which was beautiful, but the town next to the beach was like an abandoned carnival...there were all these closed down arcades and pavilions with clowns painted on the side, and the only people around were obese forty year old men who were eating hot dogs and staring at us five girls...the hot dog stand was the only thing open...it gave me the uh oh feeling. Interesting to see though.
Sooo, Puerto Rico...Dimo and I decided on a whim to go there after his friend found cheap plane tickets...originally we were going to go with several of Dimo's friends, but they all dropped out at the last minute, so just Dimo and I went. We flew down there separately, met up at the airport in San Juan (the capital), and rented a car...I drove for an hour to our first hotel, which was interesting because all of the road signs were in Spanish and neither Dimo or I speak Spanish...remind me why I took French again? Lol. Anyhoo, we booked the first hotel we stayed at on a website that said the hotel was "near the water." When we got there, though, we could hear the crashing of the ocean, and when we went out back, the ocean was lapping the bottom of the hotel. Very beautiful and very cool...we had a balcony that we could see the ocean from and we got up one morning to watch the sunrise from there. We also walked on the beach and made sandcastles like four year olds...I love sand SO MUCH.
Other things we did...we went on a hike in the El Yunque rainforest and saw waterfalls and ended up jumping into the pools at the bottom of the waterfalls in our clothes...we saw huge caves formed by the third largest underground river in the world...we went back to San Juan and saw an old Spanish fortress whose construction began back in 1540...we went to old San Juan and saw all of these beautiful old houses...they were all bright colors and had intricate railings like in New Orleans...Dimo taught me to salsa dance and we went to the restaurant where the pina colada was first invented...it was THE BEST mixed drink I have ever had. The coolest thing we did though was taking a kayak tour at night...we started out in the ocean and then wound up in this narrow channel...there were trees hanging over the channel and everything was dark and eerie and peaceful...very cool. Eventually, the channel opened up into a lagoon. The coolest thing though was that in both the channel and the lagoon lived phosphorescent plankton...when the water was still, you couldn't see them, but whenever you moved the water, they glowed. :D So, whenever we dipped our paddles or hands into the water, the water swirled around them in this glowing cloud...it was so cool! The bottoms of the kayaks were also made of glass, and you could see the plankton moving across the kayak underneath you like stars...it looked like something out of Star Wars. Once we got to the lagoon, Dimo and I asked the tour guide if we were allowed to swim in the water...he didn't say no, so we both dove out of our kayak and watched the water glow around us...I felt like a fairy because the water left phosphorescent trails behind me...it was really cool. Now I have no money for after graduation, which is probably stupid of me...the trip was so good though that I can't regret it.
Speaking of after graduation, I found out last night that I didn't make it into the Japanese teaching program. Part of me is kind of sad...I really wanted to go and travel through Asia. A different part of me is okay though...I didn't necessarily have my heart set on teaching (especially children) and I know I'll have chances to go to Japan in the future. For now, I guess I'll just move back to Cali...perhaps this is a sign that I'm supposed to be near my family right now. I'd love to live with either my parents or Dimo for awhile and finish up my memoir...I need a job to pay off student loans though, so that's probably not all I'll be doing. We'll see...the future is a big, scary thing, but I feel okay about it...I still have options. :)
That's so cool that Elly came to visit you! I'm glad you had fun. Also, the kayaking sounds really cool...how big is this canal? Robin sounds like a blast. Also, how was your dad and Liz's visit? Oh, and a couple of entries ago, you mentioned friend and sister crises...is everything okay? I hope so. How are you getting on at work? Making any friends? I hope all is going well. Much love and take care!
P.S. I'll be calling you back soon hopefully...we'll see. One month from today, all my work for graduation is due...AHHHHH!!!
written by  snookyferrit on April 8, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

No time for title!
Happy easter girl! Mom left me a memo that you called, I was at work. Friday was my first 12 hour shift at McD's. I had to be in at 7 in the morning the next day... ouch. I'll call you soon... maybe tonight, even... depending upon the time Cammy and Bob decide to leave...
Wooooooooooooooow about Peurto Rico... sounds like it was amaaaaazing... The pics are awesome... especially the one with the waterfall and all the people... was that like a hot spot or something? And that's awesome that you had a New Zealand reunion... how was it seeing all of them in the states? Yay for old cemeteries and abandoned carnivals!
My life is not as interesting, but things are so much better at work now... I no longer totally suck, and i'm making friends... I get a long well with everyone there, with the exception of maybe one or two people... I'm so much more comfortable now... we goof off all the time...
On a different note... Bus and I are planning a trip this summer (august-ish hopefully)... Her parents have a time share in Hawaii, so I guess that would be ideal. But we also want to go to CostaRica (well I reeeaaaaaalllly reeeaalllllllly want to go), or scandinavia (....???) hahaha... we haven't exactly narrowed it down. We're going to try to convince mom to come, and Meg and Dan want to come too... Mom is skeptical, becuase we want to adventure, and she would rather do touristy stuff... but we figure that we can come to a compromise... and it's up in the air... so, we'll just see! But Bus is doing a lot of research, and I am doing a lot of financial calculating, and we're pretty confidant that we can pull it off. And because I can't claim residency until at least January, and Bus currently isn't enrolled, this is the perfect time to do it! we're determined...
John (I call him pickle now, that's his last name) taught me how to use a long skateboard today... or alteast, he watched me while I wrecked myself, and tried to give me pointers... Apparently i'm a goofy foot... I thought he was making fun of me... but the term means that I skate opposite the way a right handed person normally would... so.... hahaha...
Oh man, i'm really starting to like it here... I'm still so different from everybody else, but they're all coming to love me for it... and though I feel ackward when I tell them about what I like to do... We've all found common ground... and it's just that we like eachother for who we are... Even though they don't like to talk about philisophical things, and I don't share their taste in music...
Pepper never came out last week... her friends wanted to go to a club, and most of the clubs in Brevard county where I live are 21 and older... since Pep was the only out of their group who was 21, they decided to stay in Ft. Lauderdale... but i'll see her eventually... this was just one opportunity...
The good news is that by January, i'll be old enough to take a student loan out in my own name... So, i'll more than likely be enrolling at UCF which should accept my credits from SCCC and is also in the same area as BCC in Cocoa... i'll finish my last semester and transfer out... Woooo hoooo...
wellllll.... Looks like Cammy and Bob are leaving now, so i'm gonna' Jet... take care Darlin!
PS... Japan... You're right...if you want to go, you will!
written by  snookyferrit on April 12, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Cell phone suspended blonder
Hey girl... quick update... my cell will be suspended until next weekish... so if ya have to reach me for any reason... house phone! And I bleached my hair! Whaddya think? Too blonde? should I go lighter??
written by  snookyferrit on April 17, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Hey
I don't have much time, and I feel completely stupid writing this... but... I miss you... Thereisaidit... :-)
It's been a weird week... and I wish I had the time to write something... more... which I don't... but hopefully will soon
lmao

I like the blond!
Cherry blossoms in Central Park...I'm thinking of getting a cherry blossom tattoo!
Hey girl! Sorry for the long silence...Christa came out to visit last week and kept me really busy. I miss you too...everything okay? You seemed a bit blah in your last entry. Also, I've been thinking about calling you again, but I don't know when a good time is. What hours do you usually work?
So, Christa and I rocked Manhattan last week, lol. She was only here for five days, so we crammed as much in as we could during that time. We went to the Met and Upper East Side, St. Mark's (I took her into my favorite clothing and tattoo shops), shopping on Fifth Ave (she was SOOOO excited...she bought a necklace from Tiffany's!), Times Square and Rockefellar Center, Central Park, Ground Zero, Wall Street, Battery Park, the Staten Island ferry (it goes right past the Statue of Liberty and it's FREE), Soho, and the MOMA. We got student tickets to the Little Mermaid, which was an awesome show and a great intro to Broadway. We also took one of those TV/movie tours where a bus drove us around the city and showed us film sites all over Manhattan...we saw the Friends apartment building and Christa took 5 million pictures. It was awesome, and we got along really well the whole time. She actually didn't seem too scared of Sarah Lawrence either...the first night she got here, some people in my living room were having a graphic conversation about gay porn and she didn't freak out...it was really nice. Now I miss her, even though there is a lot more room in my room now that her giantass suitcase is gone...5 pairs of shoes for 5 days...oh my.
I'm really glad to hear that you're having a good time down in Florida! Any new stories? Also, that would be SO awesome if you and Bus got to go to Costa Rica or Scandinavia or Hawaii...they are all very similar, after all. ;) How did this come about? Would Heff and Amanda come?
Okies, I better go do work now...Christa's visit has put me in a really tight spot homework-wise. I hope all is well and hopefully I will talk to you soon (maybe even on the phone...?) Take care!
P.S. Oh, and I like the blond! It looks very natural with your skin tone and whatnot (and it's kinda punky :D)
written by  snookyferrit on April 22, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

My life!
God is chilling out somewhere with a container of theatre popcorn and an Unheavenly large cup of White cherry freeze laughing his mother fuckin ass off at me, hahhahaha.... okey dokes, I shall update soon... The pics are awesome! I wish I coulda been there to help show Christa around... An nahhh, i'm fine... ttys! Love, Mel
So i'm adding this on... mom's on the phone with her friend from Oregon (we were watching the film, "the strangers" and now it's on pause... haha), so I figured since I had the time...
it'sbeen an interesting ride... Mom's friend and co-worker Carol has just been diagnosed with Colon cancer... it's been a mess, and hard on all of us... especially Mom and Robin... At first she wanted nothing to do with it, but now that's she's been forced to go to the hospital, she's accepted things and is moving forward and getting treatment... i'll update on that from time to time... to stray from hard topics... I've been hanging out with friends a lot... the other night we (Kayla, her boyfriend Josh, her best friend also named Kayla, her boyfriend Matt and Edmond) went to this place called Anthony's ( a small bar in Rockledge)... It was ameteur's night... So a bunch of local artists were supposed to show up and do their thang... it turned out to be mostly an old guy with his guitar and an old woman with her hermonica... it was fun anyway... Dollar drafts, monster beers and pitchers all around... Needless to say, I was WASTED... a couple nights later we (With the exception of Edmond) went to the liquid lounge (a club in Cocoa)... girs drink for free until 11... so we were drinking and doing our thing all night long... we left early around 1 because the cops showed up... On the way home Josh got sick... he threw up all over himself, and then Kayla got sick because the fuckin car reaked... so we pulled over... Josh opened the door and fell out of the car, so I had the other Kayla park it... I picked the kid up, hung him on my shoulder and somehow got him back in... (he's a short black dude, but all muscle... he's like mini shack...) He was out of control... long story short, I spent the duration of the ride on top of him slapping his face and pouring water over his head... got him to vomit again, and had him awake and responsive by the time we made it to Matt's house... otherwise, I told them if he didn't get better they would either take him to the hospital or I would call an ambulance, their choice)... Matt got all pissy that Josh was staying the night (even though he told the kid he could),,, he grabbed Kayla 2's face and told her to get the fuck out... so my Kayla and her got into it with him, and now my Kayla and Matt aren't talking...but Josh is fine... (to all of our relief) he promised my Kayla that he would quit drinking in order to keep their relationship going... Stephan told me that I should talk to Kelly because Kelly wants to talk to me... Kelly is with Clarence, and Clarence wasn't happy about it... You'd think i'd have a say in the matter... so I subtly made it clear to both of them that it's between them, and i've got nothing to do with it... and work is now interesting... Kelly is one of my 20gazillion manager's, and I am now on all of her shifts... (ooooooh snap)... On Thursday Kayla, Josh, the other Kayla, Kelly, Stephan, Ryan, Robert (my gay love!) and I are going back to Anthony's... no prediction as to how that is going to turn out... Work is better... I know know how to do virtually everything, and almost well... All of my manager's want me on their shifts, and Robin, (our new manager that everyone is afraid of) and I get along really well... I'm at a steady full time and that won't get screwed up as long as I stay on Kelly's good side... (Which is bullshit, but reality)... and we get along, anyway... I decided that since I can't step foot up north for at least a year, and can't start school for almost as long, i'm going to take this time to travel... So, it may not happen in August like I thought, because I have other expenses that I forgot to consider (like car insurance... and then there's travel expenses like food and lodging)... but I plan to travel before school... it's set... in the densest stone... I still don't know where to yet... but that is now mostly due to my total lack of knowing when we'll leave... Bus just wants to come, and her heart's already set on it... so...we're going... I think it's just us... because mom's really not bent on going, and you know how Meg is... I think she's half serious... Robin and Randy ordered a Tiki hut which will be set up on their dock this week... so we're going to have a tiki party this weekend... I'm so freakin excited... I haven't seen Robin in almost two weeks... She said she might take me out to the river on the Kayak's this weekend... i'm stoked... I guess she has more faith in me now... I just have to make sure she knows... no Margharitas this time!Pickle and I smoked on 4/19 since I had to work all 4/20... We were stoned off our asses picking out all the different species of animal and plant on the block... it was so much fun... but I got the spins after a couple of beers and had to go inside, lmao... Dave bought me a Gator's shirt for sports season... so now i'm oficially one of them! His birthday was this week, so we're planning on doing something special for him sometime by the weekend... I"m working tomorrow 5-cl is all I know for now... but i'll have the rest of my schedule tomorrow night, so i'll try to leave it up here... you can call anytime! and if i'm not around, just leave a message... hope the school work is going well, and hope life is good! Love you! ttys -Mel

South Korea?
Times Square
Hey girl! Um, why is God laughing at you? That's not cool. He's kinda laughing at me too right now...he finally warmed up the weather, but now that it's BEAUTIFUL outside, my allergies are trying to kill me...my eyes itch sooooo bad! It kinda sucks, but I'd still take it over the cold.
Sooo, new developments...all my work is due one week early this year, meaning that I have to get my shit together by May 8th (ahhhhh!). Then May 22nd is graduation. AHHHHHH!!! Still not sure what I'm doing. I thought I was going to go home to Cali for at least a year...however, I have now found a job teaching English in South Korea that looks pretty tempting. $2000 a month, rent is free, and the company pays for your plane ticket there and back. The city I'm looking at (Busan) is really cool and right on the water, and three of my friends from NZ will be there...we could travel through Asia after our work is complete. It's pretty awesome. I have to decide whether or not I'm ready to take off for another year though...it's an amazing opportunity, but Jamie just got over his cancer and Omi and Opi are getting older...and there's the whole not liking kids thing...I don't know. I did the math though and calculated that I will be paying $600-700 a month in student loans for the next ten years. It makes me want to cry.
Okay, I better get to work now...I'm doing a conference paper on psychopaths, so I'm gonna go sit in the sun and read about some crazy people! Hope all is well.
written by  snookyferrit on April 28, 2009 from Bronxville, United States

awww
Awww darlin, hey girl... the end is approaching! You must be under so much stress... Though I know you have pleanty of support where you are, If you need any more, you can always call me! Sched: I'm working tomorrow 3-cl, thurs. i'm off, friday 3-cl, sat 7- somethin, sun. mornin to somethin... i'm sorry, I took down my schedule on a five dollar bill, and then threw it in with my pants in the wash... I understand if you can't call... and will try to reach you at some point and offer a generous helping of silliness to get your mind off things... Hope all is well, and good luck! PS daaaang girl, when are you gonna' plan a trip down here??

Stupid ass... I am
I'm so retarted... guess you can ignore that message on your machine, my answer is right here, lmao... I'll be giving you a call soon... phone should be up this weekend... then I will be more capable of making calls... hope all is well! so excited for you... night, <3 Mel
written by  snookyferrit on May 8, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Contgradulations girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO CONGRATS DARLIN! have a great day!!!! xoxoxo
written by  snookyferrit on May 22, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

By the way...
Ps... everything will be all right... The future is totally unpredictable- we all take a blind step forward (everyday!)... Remember that, to keep yourself grounded... (To not get too overwhelmed!)... Let yourself miss things that are passing or have already come to pass, but celebrate good memories and know that there's so much more to come! I feel like a broken record, but i'm so proud of you... take care dear *big hugs*
Big big biiiiiiiiiiiiig hugs*
written by  snookyferrit on May 22, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

Hey dear
Hey girl... I saw your facebook, and didn't want to make a big deal out of anything on there... I'm not totally sure what's going on... (though I have an idea)... but i'm sorry that you're in pain, and if there's anything I can do... let me know... I may be the last person you want to talk to... but i'm here for you. You have your BA, you have great friends and family, and you're going to have a good future... Take care of yourself *big hugs* Mel

quick update!
Nashville, United States
Hey girl! Sorry I've been such a poor correspondent lately...between graduation and Dimo and visitin Julia in Nashville, things have been a bit crazy. I will get back to you soon though! And btw, greetings from Nashville! Is your cell phone working? I think I should give you a call in a couple of days.
Also, thank you so much for the book! As soon as I picked up the package, I knew it was a book and I got really excited. I can't wait to read it! Ah, poetry...how things all began. :D Anyway, it was very sweet of you to get me a present...it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. :)
Okies, I gotta go, but I WILL update and/or call you soon. Much love, thank you again for the gift, and I will talk to you soon!
written by  snookyferrit on June 4, 2009 from Nashville, United States

Heyyy you
Hey girl- uploaded some pics from the phone for you! I hope you're enjoying yourself! How was the ceremony? Don't feel bad if you can't update all the time, I totally understand... Yes, still the same number, and the phone is up so... if ya ever wanna' call, feel free- i'd love to hear from you. Life is good... i've made some great friends here... and even though i'm not, I FEEL really free. So maybe I am. I have so many sooooo soooo soooo many stories to tell you about. I'll update more when I have free time, or the next time I talk to you... I am curious about the many dimensions of your life- graduation, South Korea, Dimo, Nashville, everything... What is going on? Are you leaving the country again or WHAT??? lmao... just kidding... take care of yourself, girl... love you lots, hope you're well... <333 Mel
written by  snookyferrit on June 7, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

psssst
It's been a long time since either of us have written in this thing. I'll get it going, for bump's sake. Well, my life has done a complete 180. Two days ago was six month anniversary for living here in Florida. New York has become almost... irrelevant to my life. that sounds harsh because my family is there... and my friends are there... but the truth is that I talk to them all the time, and I think about them all the time...and I miss the city like you wouldn't believe... But Florida life and New York are two totally separate things. Everything is different. My friends are carefree, relaxed, non-dramatic. The only downfall with them, is that with the exception of Edmond and Candace, none of my friends are artistic. And the more I think about it... most of my inner group of friends are straight. I go out clubbing and partying with my gay friends, but that is really all I do with them. It's weird. Relationships are really difficult for me right now. Probably partially because of all the question marks in the air that I have yet to deal with. But also because... Even though I feel like every man I come in contact with wants me for some absurd reason... I don't really know any lesbians/bi-sexuals who live here and are attractive to me. Most of them are only interested in partying and sex, man, I party all the time... but I don't live for it. I know so many men who would totally "do" me... I find myself considering it... The pro's and con's of it. Would it work? Could it work? And I haven't had these questions in my head for a long time. Every time I ever tried with a man it's just been EPIC FAIL. I feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian. Every good experience I ever had has been with a woman. Everything I am physically attracted to is womanly. The clothing, the perfume, the skin, the hair, certain physical attributes, personality... sweetness, aggression, and intellectualism in women is sexy. When I look at men, I don't think the same way... When I am pleased by a man's appearance or character... I feel like he's a little puppy I want to take home with me... But, i've met one or two guys that I don't look at like that... Men that are just... attractive, motivated, not too aggressive, not totally vain, sweet but not too sweet, funny, and fun to be around with similar goals in life. Those are the guys that get me thinking, "maybe?"... But it never works... the sex doesn't work... I don't try... with men... it's less complicated that way. I haven't smoked green in like... 2 months. I have other things to keep me entertained ;-) but nothing too crazy... Work is different... or should I say... only one pay check a week is different. I was promoted to crew trainer a couple months ago and then just this week they promoted me to overnight's manager. The pitfall to that is my certification classes don't begin for another month, so I don't get the other half of my raise until i'm certified. But the 75 cent difference an hour is worth it right now. It's been SO hard financially. Especially with everyone who came down to visit. First Rosa and her family. We spent the day at a waterpark at the Nickelodeon hotel in Orlando. I tried to sneak up on them, but they actually snuck up on me. The kids wore me out but we had so much fun. I almost cried when we had to say goodbye, and apparantly so did Rosa. The next day is when my neck spazzed out and I couldn't move it, also the same day that Jess Ferrara came to visit. All we could do was talk about everything and watch a movie together... it was good anyway. Just a couple days after that Alfonso, Kristina and Shannon came down. I stayed with them at the Ramada in Kissimmee for 3 days. We spent a lot of time swimming in the indoor and outdoor pools. We drank a lot. A lot of arbor mist...6/7 bottles one night I think. Hahaha, then recorded Shannon karaoking to Kristina's Iphone, me and Kristina dancing on the bed, and all of us taking underwater snapshots. Alf, shannon and I went for a couple late night walks through the area... one night we found a snail and named her Polly. We went sun-tanning, day exploring, out to eat and everything. My last night Alf's aunt came to visit with her family. She brought us to this place called old town. It's this really great place that stays open year round, and is half amusement park/carnival... half old town shops and restaurants... the best part is that it also has a night club. LMAO. After that Heff and Elly came down to stay for a week/ week 1/2. We spent A LOT of time at the beach. I showed Heather some of the gay nightlife here. They met a bunch of my friends and we all had a blast. Then I stayed with Elly's ti ti Lisa for two days. The first of those two days we all went to the beach again with Elly's cousins and some family friends. I was sun poisoned on that day and all I can say is OUCH. The night I left there was a meteor shower. Mom and I have been struggling to get a long. As i've mentioned before, I come long way in putting the past behind me. But there are certain issues that make us living together very difficult. Like, 1) she wants to be motherly and nurturing... but i'm grown, independant. And I got there without her. It drives me NUTS when she tries to advise me/ tell me what to do. 2) At this point she's been collecting unemployment. I have been neglecting my own bills to carry us this far. We agreed to split our shared bills down the middle but let me paint you a picture... I have given her my last three paychecks in WHOLE. We fight about it and get nowhere, and then I feel guilty... Especially since Chester died... that was very hard on the both of us and I want to be sensitive toward her. But she doesn't work with me on our issues... and screws me financially... even though she doesn't mean to, she does it... I can't NOT pay the bills... and i'm going through all these changes at work and trying to keep a social life. On a positive note... If we can get our shit together... after November I can finally go back to school... Robert, my best gay friend here... I think he really wants to marry me, and have a family. I don't know how to feel. That whole thing in itself... is sooo weird/confusing. We are just an odd couple... and I think he really wants to marry me. lmao. I'll be sending you a new CD in the mail sometimes soonish... I've been getting into electronic a little bit... I think you'd really like some of it. I feel like there's so much more to write about, but I gotta' get ready for work. So love and hugs! Let me know what's going on in your life! <3 Mel
written by  snookyferrit on August 14, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

GOOD NEWS!
Just had to tell you about this... Mom found the NZ necklace in the car! Must have came off while I was driving... I'm taking it as a good omen. Mom and I had a horrible argument yesterday morning which led to finally talking about everything that she and dad did when we were kids... and incredibly, I received validation from her. Not in the exact form I wanted necessarily, but I am satisfied. After that I just felt awesome. I bought some wine and met up with Robert and Amy... All of us had something to celebrate. Then Hubs and I spent the night in Orlando clubbing. We danced for 5 hours straight girl... And when I woke up this morning is when mom gave me the necklace. Not to mention tonight is my first night alone as overnights manager. I've been certified by district and start classes in September. Spring classes start for BCC and UCF mid- January which is when I can claim my residency (hopefully). Which means... starting next January, hopefully (cross my fingers) , I can start school here! Well, I gotta' bounce again... Hope all is well! Take care, love and hugs, mel
written by  snookyferrit on August 19, 2009 from Rockledge, United States

soon
Sacramento, United States
Uh I am sooo tired! At work so I can't really talk...just wanted to let you know that I saw your latest entries and I want to reply, I just don't have time coz I'm at work. Take care and talk to you soon!
written by  snookyferrit on August 25, 2009 from Sacramento, United States

Friend's building!

Monet's Water Lilies-the MOMA

Cherry blossoms in Central Park...I'm thinking of getting a cherry blossom tattoo!

Statue of Liberty

Times Square

The Met