Visiting My Grandmother

Since the last time I was here in 2004, the house has changed slightly. The veranda at the top has bars completely around it. In the back, the kitchen has been expanded and a new room has been built for my grandmother.

As we arrive, they’ve already begun setting up for the funeral festivities. The tarps are already up. The “atong” (piece of wood) is burning. Once someone dies, an atong is placed outside the house and is burned 24 hours a day until the body is taken out from the home. This piece of burning wood is meant as a signal to the rest of the community that the family that lives in this house is in mourning.

The body is also kept in the house. Family members keep a 24 hour vigil from the time the person dies until the funeral itself. The house is also always open for any visitors to come pay their respects. It’s our tradition and belief that the spirit doesn’t leave the house until the body is taken away for the funeral. People talk to the deceased as if they’re still there. You say hello to the body…you say good night. At meal times, you serve the deceased a plate of food (either at their usual space at the table or at a designated place by the body). Banal things happen around the body…people play games in the same room that they body is in…conversations still occur…you sit around the body. I do really think that this helps the mourning process. It doesn’t prolong it…it gives family members a chance to say their good-byes. To spend that time from the day of the death to the funeral is part of the healing process. It’s a slow way of saying good…a healthy way of saying good bye.