Border - Blogabond

Ok. Planes, however large they look when you're standing next to them are actually pretty small. So when there is a group of less than *how to phrase this without sounding offensive*... intelligent, loud mouthed over bearing individuals who insist on shouting at each other from 6 inches apart for the duration of a polite conversation it's kinda hard to escape. Someone needs to invent a life jacket that you can remove from it's cover under your chair, inflate by pulling the red tab or using the mouth piece and all of a sudden you won't hear these annoying people. But really the flight, despite that it was 14ish hours, was fine. But... and there's always a but, here is the kicker, border control there is HARSH, if you EVER travel to the states, please follow:

Step 1)
ENSURE that you RUN as fast as you can to the front of the line, push people out of the way if necessary, particularly if they are infirmed or elderly, these people will only hold you back. Remember, in America only the strong survive anyways so you don't need to feel too bad for too long.

The reason for Step 1 is because the immigration "officers" are SO slow, the amount of crap they have to do is huge, so it follows that it takes a LONG time.

Step 2)
Despite being at the front of the line it'll still take FOREVER because unless you're a US citizen there will probably only be a couple of booths open. If this is the case fill in your GREEN and WHITE forms. Double Check them. QUADRUPLE TUPLE CHECK THEM. Do not get anything wrong, they will send you to the back of the line, they aren't joking!

Quick story:>

Now it might just be me that answers questions that are asked literally, but when the question reads: "Where will you spend your time in the US?" and the answer to that question is "At LAX because I'm in transit to Canada" it follows that you would write "LAX" in the answer box. NO NO NO NO NO. ARE YOU SO STUPID (or should I say STOOPID?) THAT YOU THINK THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GOING the man asked me... I simply said "Oh, sorry, I'm jet lagged". Of course in my brain I'm thinking, well, I answered the STOOPID question, so aren't you the jerk bag? But I didn't want to be sent home, so I complied.

Step 3)
Don't bother looking for a sign. That tells you anything. There aren't any.

Step 4)
If you're not planning on staying there to see all the wonderful stuff that I'm sure is there behind a curtain of rude, arrogant and generally unhelpful airport people (I'm sure past the iron curtain of the airport there is plenty of nice things and people... well, it looked like that in Borat) then enjoy your stay :)

Oh and don't leave your laptop in it's case when you're going through the gates, they'll draw their guns and I don't mean draw them with Crayola crayons on scrap paper.

I never thought I'd star in a teen movie, or even be an Extra, but it seems that LAX is EXACTLY like the movies, and the general population of the airport was EXACTLY like the movies. "Pledgers" on their way to Spring break, "Soccer Moms", "Jocks", "Nerds", amazing! It was kinda cool in a really odd sorta way. Of course there were plenty of foreigners too, but in general it was everything that I thought was TV, and nothing that felt real.

Anyways... OFF TO CANADA!!! WOOHOO