Sacrificing Braincells On The Alter Of Goon

1. What Is It?
Cheap wine and I use the term "wine" loosely. Comes in a box.

2. What Is It Made From?
Allegedly grapes but this has yet to be proven. Also contains fish, eggs, milk, traces of nut and the urine of a local wino.

3. How Much Can I Expect To Pay?
Between $8 and $10 for 4 litres unless you're feeling a bit posh then you can get the High Class stuff for about $12 to $14 for 4 litres.

4. Drunk From?
A dirty mug (the dirt is optional but advisable as it may dull the taste of the goon) or directly from the bladder.

5. Drunk When?
Goon O Clock. It's always Goon O Clock at Rainbow Lodge.

GoOoOoOoOoOoN!

Bogan? Who? Me?

6. How Does It Taste?
Indescribably bad but the first couple of mouthfuls usually numb your tastbuds anyway.

7. Side Effects?
Rapid loss of basic motor functions, drooling, regret and inability to remember where you left your brain the following morning.
Very dangerous when combined with free internet as it causes you to email people who probably don't want to hear from you right now.
Also gets you pissed from the feet up so you think you're fine until you stand up to go for a piss and fall over.

8. If It's So Bad, Why Drink It?
Its cheap and it works.

9. Games Include...
a. Wheel Of Goon whereby you attach a full goon bladder to a rotating clothes line and stand in a circle around it holding a cup and attempting to remain upright. Spin the clothes line, whoever the goon bag stops in front of has to skull a cup of it.

b. X Seconds Of Goon whereby you sit or lie down and someone stands over you and releases the goon into your mouth. The aim is to open your throat and drink as much goon as possible while your mates count the seconds. I saw a guy do 30 seconds once.

It is a good idea to keep a bucket handy.

10. Any Other Uses?
The bladder inside the box can be blown up and used as a pillow once a sufficient amount of goon has been consumed (it is also worth noting that if you drink enough goon a concrete pillow will seem just as comfortable).
It may also be possible to strip paint with it but this is untested, I'm just going off what it does to my internal organs.

written by  Koala Bear on January 11, 2007 from Perth, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged Bollocks
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