Random Emo Moment - Blogabond

As well as a bog standard Looky Where I've Been travel blog with which to bore my friends and family these pages serve as kind of a diary, sort of something to show the kids when I'm older. By kids or course I actually mean cats which will I shall refer to as "my children" in a creepy Wicked Witch Of The West type voice and they shall follow me around my house at the end of the road that all the local kids avoid because it belongs to the Mad Cat Lady who mutters to herself and smells faintly of pee.

Anyway.

Basically it means that sometimes, just sometimes, you end up with bollocks like the following.

While I was holed up in the back of my car last night in the howling wind and pissing rain I was overcome by a gut wrenching lonliness. It really hit me that once I'd gotten back to Auckland I'd be starting again from absolute scratch. One day I was going back to my girl and a life and I was looking forward to settling down for a year with her in town, building a life together and the next day I had nothing. I'd spent all my time with Kama and hadn't spent time meeting people, making friends, the usual things you do when you get to a new place.

I could count my mates on two hands and most of them would be gone by the time I got back, the backpackers having flown back to their respective countries, the locals moving on with their lives with plans of their own to travel or move overseas. But ya know what? I've started from scratch so many times I'm sure I can do it again. I just wasn't expecting it.

I wasn't expecting the break up and I think this is why I'm finding it so hard. Every other girl I've got involved with since I left England, we've known from the outset exactly when it would end. As strongly as I felt about Toni we always knew we'd just be ships passing in the night, I never even expected to see her again in Alice Springs. Even with Irma, she was always going to leave and we knew exactly when, it was hard but we were prepared for it. I was prepared for it. As for Emma, after two and a half years together the relationship had run its course, even though I wasn't expecting it it was welcome, we'd had our time together and the break up was relatively easy.
When Kama finished us it was so sudden and even though we weren't getting on it was so unexpected, I'm really struggling to let it go because there was no attempt from her to talk about it, to try and resolve it.

But I'm going back to Auckland regardless. Yeah I know I don't have to but I love it there and like I say, I might not know many people there but the ones I do know are fantastic, its quality, not quantity that matters, right?

written by

Koala Bear on January 28, 2009 from Wanganui, New Zealand

from the travel blog: Tiny Little NZ Road Trip

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